tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50395428518605793092024-02-07T02:05:34.945-06:00Jane Thompson (Hasenmueller) Blog: Choosing Happiness After DivorceDivorce is by far one of the most stressful life events anyone can face. Dealing with the anger, letdown, and the emotional ups and downs can be difficult. Likewise, remarriage often results in stressful situations as well. This blog is for those looking to move forward, forgive, and embrace a new life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.comBlogger94125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-71275239781367095402013-05-16T07:02:00.000-05:002013-05-16T07:02:18.278-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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If you landed here, please enjoy the posts. My blog is now located at: <a href="http://www.choosinghappinessafterdivorce.com/" target="_blank">Choosing Happiness After Divorce.</a> I hope you will visit and check it out. If you would like to do a guest blog, and share your story of finding happiness after divorce, please contact me, jane@janeannthompson.com.<br />
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You can also find me most often at My Ultimate Health, over on <a href="http://janeannthompson.com/" target="_blank">Jane Ann Thompson.com</a>.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-63264505175564923782012-09-10T11:54:00.002-05:002012-09-10T11:56:13.498-05:00Avoid Martyrdom! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just returned from a trip in which I visited the town of Annonay, France. There is not much of significance in this town anymore, but I took the walking tour, following the map provided by the tourism office. I came upon the Tour des Martyrs, seen in this picture, and have tried to find out the history on the tower, to no avail. I am curious as to who the martyrs were and if they were imprisoned in the tower, or took refuge here.<br />
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In modern times, we use the word martyr to indicate someone who considers themselves a victim. Taking on victim status can be pretty easy after divorce, however, being a victim is not going to serve one well for very long. Being a victim essentially locks you in a tower of your own making, one friends will quickly desert and grow tired of, one that will keep you from moving forward in your life, and is certainly not going to include happiness.<br />
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If you are feeling like a victim for any reason, it's time to stop the pity party and start counting all for which you can be grateful. It is natural to go through a feeling sorry for yourself stage after divorce, but staying there is not going to benefit you are your children. Move on. Decide to make a new life for yourself and make it great. You only live once, so what's your life going to be? Martyr or Life Maker?<br />
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Tips for leaving the pity party: Spend time every day writing down a few things for which you are grateful. Inspire yourself by reading about someone who has faced incredible adversity. I just read the book, <i><a href="http://janeannthompson.com/my-favorite-things/">Breaking Night: A Memoir of Forgiveness, Survival and My Journey from Homeless to Harvard, </a></i>by Liz Murray and believe me, when you read this young woman's story, I think you will see how great your life really is and can be!<br />
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Peace and joy!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-10540022980921415152012-08-13T08:59:00.000-05:002012-08-13T08:59:01.909-05:00Poverty is not just about money<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Approximately 60 percent of U.S. children living in mother-only families are impoverished, compared with only 11 percent in two-parent family homes, according to research at the university of Ohio. I watched my sister deal with this very problem as she raised her kids, put herself through college, and then struggled on a beginning teacher salary. However, poverty due to income, while it can make day to day existence difficult, poverty of joy and intellect can destroy lives. Poverty does not just apply to income. When any of us, children and adults alike, are deprived of love and kindness, as well as intellectual stimulation, our lives become narrow and dark. Divorce can make the walls seem like they are closing around us, but refusing to narrow our world and staying in the light, can make the difference. And this doesn't just apply to divorce. Anyone is in danger of poverty of spirit by closing themselves off from others or from learning. If you are a single parent, bitterness and anger will definitely narrow your world, but most in danger is the world of your children. Allow them to freely love their other parent and his/her family. Love goes a long way in keeping the spirit nourished and joyful. As for the intellect? Avoid allowing the television, computer, and video games to raise your kids. Get out of the house. Take advantage of free activities available in the community. Read together. Hike. Do chores together. Travel if possible and expose yourself and the children to new ideas. And let others assist in positive ways, including even a stepmom or stepfather. And if new siblings or step-siblings come on the scene, be sure to include them when possible. Poverty of money makes life difficult for the moment, but poverty of the mind and spirit makes all of life a struggle.<br />
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Peace and Joy!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-8938383556267209482012-08-06T10:00:00.000-05:002012-08-06T10:00:05.524-05:00Ruin is the road to Transformation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The ruins of a marriage do not have to mean life is over. Out of the ashes can rise a phoenix, ready and willing to transform into new life. This is the opportunity to set a new course for yourself, to discover what you enjoy, taking advantage of the time now afforded you to do just what you like. Divorce feels like the end of the world and sadly is for many people. Don't let that happen to you. Take time for you and transform your life into the best life possible. Ruin really is the road to transformation!<br />
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Need help transforming?<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Choosing-Happiness-After-Divorce-Positive/dp/0984081933/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1344264896&sr=8-1&keywords=choosing+happiness+after+divorce"> Choosing Happiness After Divorce</a></div>
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<iframe bordercolor="#000000" frameborder="0" height="150" hspace="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://ad.doubleclick.net/adi/N7433.148119.BLOGGEREN/B6696400.711;sz=180x150;ord=[timestamp]?;lid=41000000024781945;pid=112185;usg=AFHzDLt-jjdRp-D0T1Z2aXkeT5aIwQDZkA;adurl=http%253A%252F%252Fwww.samsclub.com%252Fsams%252Faroma-8-cup-rice-cooker-steamer-w-delay-white%252F186657.ip%253Fpid%253D_DoubleClick_Affiliates%2526ci_src%253D15781033%2526ci_sku%253D112185;pubid=567568;price=%2434.61;title=Aroma+8-Cup+Rice+Cooke...;merc=Sam%27s+Club;imgsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fs7d2.scene7.com%2Fis%2Fimage%2Fsamsclub%2Fs7product%2F0002124106838_A.jpg;width=85;height=85" vspace="0" width="180"></iframe><br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-42850295967399546292012-07-23T09:35:00.001-05:002012-07-23T09:35:30.783-05:00Be Present<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In becoming connected through Facebook, Twitter, email, and all the other means of "connecting" these days, we are disconnecting from the people who are right in our presence. Parents walking with their children are on the phone chatting, instead of engaging their child(ren) in conversation. Couples sit at dinner tables and spend the entire evening on line instead of with each other. Adult children spend their time on devices instead of visiting with parents when together. All this "connecting" is affecting the relationships that matter most. Put the devices away and talk to each other. Look people in the eye and engage. Yes, it is great to connect with people out in the world, but they are not the ones who bring us a hug, who actually laugh out loud with us for real, or give us a kiss. XOXO LOL are just letters. The real thing is a better bet!<br />
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Peace and Joy!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-28245549987003266502012-07-16T12:46:00.000-05:002012-07-16T12:47:26.969-05:00Pawns in a Divorce Game<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Let's have a chat over tea, shall we? I talk about the kids a lot when it comes to divorce, as they are so often nothing but pawns in their parents divorce and this constitutes a form of emotional abuse. When children are fought over it is not in their best interest. No one really wins, no matter the outcome. Children need both parents in their lives. They need to enjoy the benefits of the different relationship they have with each, and both parents need a break from the kids from time to time, so coming up with a plan that works is essential. Allowing lawyers to get involved in this process is going to make it expensive and ultimately ugly. If the two of you have difficulty talking to each other in person, send emails with no accusations, no demands, just thoughtful comments. If this is impossible, try a mediator who can be the go between and make recommendations. In the end, the children should have generous amounts of time with both parents and holidays should be generously divided as well so that the children learn the traditions of each family and have time to see relatives on both sides of the family.<br />
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Unfortunately, I have seen far too often, parents set out for revenge through their children, turning them against the other parent, the grandparents and other extended family. This is abusive and will affect their ability to trust and bond with a spouse in their future. If you make their relationship decisions for them now by turning them against people who love them and they in-turn loved, they will not make the best decisions for themselves when the time comes.<br />
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Share your children generously. Their world will be far better and more populated with love when they see that the two of you are willing to allow them to love you both. Children are not your pawns, but developing humans who need more than anything love.<br />
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Peace and joy to you,<br />
Jane<br />
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P.S. If your spouse is seriously turning the children against you, read <a href="http:/"><i>Divorce Poison</i>, by Dr. Richard Warshak</a> and get help before it is too late.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-69436351998646530692012-07-12T19:56:00.000-05:002012-07-12T19:56:35.586-05:00Gearing up<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A lot has happened over the last year. My new website is off the ground and running, but because it is primarily about health, I feel like I left my Choosing Happiness friends out in the cold. I am returning to this blog and will be posting every Monday. I am adding posts about remarriage after divorce as well so look for this addition. I look forward, as always, to your comments and hope you will join me here each Monday for a Choosing Happiness message. Find me also at www.janeannthompson.com, which will be coming soon with a totally new layout and indexed recipes. Have a great weekend and I'll see you Monday!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-54023619964172034542011-05-31T17:06:00.000-05:002011-05-31T17:06:57.681-05:00New Blog and websiteJune 1, 2011 is the launch date for my new website, www.janeannthompson.com. Please join me there for my blog on health and happiness or to order my book, <i>Choosing Happiness After Divorce. </i>Sorry it has taken so long to get the new site running, but life interrupted. See you soon!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-89838235490121487842010-12-06T21:06:00.000-06:002010-12-06T21:06:20.207-06:00Great News!Hello readers! Sorry for the dropping out of sight. We had some changes in circumstances around here that has caused some tough times, but forgiveness goes a long way in healing the upset and that is the road I am on! But now for the great news! I have a new website coming that will include my blog! As soon as I am set up I will get the word out and tell you where to find me! Look for the ability to have my blog delivered straight to your email and lots of features to make the sight fun and exciting! I am learning about Twitter and will be joining to send you messages each day! "What's making me happy today" will be the theme with something different each day to think about! Hope you are all enjoying the holiday spirit and celebrating with friends and family your blessings each day! prayers and love to all!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-63349647227255179602010-08-04T11:52:00.000-05:002010-08-04T11:52:57.919-05:00Choosing Happiness in God's Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAyi0ej9Jmjtl_SAwhazbP2zdaVPcJGXgK8uWCi-OIDyrHzhvtj3B9DOMaNSww1GZzDkNzxL5mrMr8zMHN9_BA2BjfT2aMH6ejVzbUvvItJXiueEUFtUkbBDC48LXSpEIJPnxIX9gwO63L/s1600/P1020643.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAyi0ej9Jmjtl_SAwhazbP2zdaVPcJGXgK8uWCi-OIDyrHzhvtj3B9DOMaNSww1GZzDkNzxL5mrMr8zMHN9_BA2BjfT2aMH6ejVzbUvvItJXiueEUFtUkbBDC48LXSpEIJPnxIX9gwO63L/s320/P1020643.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b><i><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. </span></b></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"></span></b></i><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I Thessalonians 5: 16-18 </span></b></i></div>My brain is overflowing with information from the She Speaks Conference of Proverbs 31 Ministries, but more importantly, my heart is bursting with the impact of this amazing experience. Surrounded by women in every season of life, hearing incredible speakers, attending seminars with a wealth of wisdom, I am happy and blessed to have been a part of this event! I participated in a speakers evaluation group and connected with a group of women who will long remain in my memory and heart. (We managed to get a picture of almost all of us just before departing.) There were 608 women in attendance at the conference. The air was filled with the electricity of all the vibrant personalities, the laughter, the tears, the chatter; sometimes I would just stop and listen to the buzz of it all! All the speakers had messages that hit home with me and I know with the others in the room. Lysa Terkurst, Angela Thomas, Karen Ehman, and Beth Moore who made a special video appearance, sharing with us insights on drawing closer to God through letting him speak through our messages.<br />
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God has not always been a presence in my life. He had a questionable presence during my formative years and once an adult I went through an agnostic period. I only came back to God when after my divorce I knew I could not walk through this world alone. As I began to seek him and pray to him, I felt his presence and have seen the evidence of his presence in my life. This weekend filled me with his spirit and convicted me to share with you the impact he makes daily in my life.<br />
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Whether you believe in God or not, as you heal from divorce, I encourage you to seek his presence. Maybe like me, you grew away from him at sometime in your life, and realize now you would like to have him present again, begin to pray and soon you will see the evidence that he has never left you. If you have never had the presence of God in your life, I encourage you to begin on the most incredible journey of your life and seek our lord and savior to guide you and protect you, to comfort and council, to love you far greater than any human is capable. Pray that God will enter your heart then begin to study and learn what he has to offer. Put your faith in God and your life will change. Choosing happiness is made so much easier when God is walking there beside you. Seek the help of spiritual leaders, faithful sisters and brothers in Christ, and study your Bible daily. Take these steps and I know your happiness will be there for the enjoying! Prayers and Love to you all!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-3448055047953255142010-07-30T07:06:00.000-05:002010-07-30T07:06:43.398-05:00She SpeaksWhat a beautiful morning! I am in Concord, North Carolina to attend the She Speaks Conference (www.shespeaks.com) held by Proverbs 31 Ministries (www.proverbs31.org) This has been a goal of mine ever since I heard about this conference two years ago, and now I am finally here. I will be attending a pre-conference this morning to learn about marketing my blog and book (desperately need this help) and also I will be part of a speaking evaluation group to help build my speaking platform. I feel blessed to be here and to be supported and encouraged by my sweet husband who is my number one supporter! So I am exuding happiness today and going to enjoy each and every moment of this experience. The great thing is though, we can all value and enjoy even the smallest moments in our lives. Attending a conference like this is a dream come true, but my life is a dream come true because I am living and enjoying even the smallest blessings. I encourage you today to think about your smallest blessing and write about what this means to you and why you are blessed in this way. I talk a lot about my garden in my blog because I feel so enriched by each growing and living thing I help come up out of the ground and produce. Yes, maybe a small thing, but important nonetheless. I'm sure you have some of these simple blessings too. I hope you will take time to write them in your journal and reflect on the beauty and joy in your life. Choose happiness!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-13501038561349697802010-07-22T06:56:00.000-05:002010-07-22T06:56:18.095-05:00A few summer thoughtsI have had an incredibly busy summer so far and have let the blogging slide, but glad to be able to post again though still away. One of my sons and his family were out visiting for a week and we had a glorious time! I hope some of you are having a bit of time to catch up with friends and family, maybe do a little visiting or having family in for a few days. We live in such a hurry up world I think we forget to slow down and enjoy the moment. Whatever your circumstances, take the time to do something for yourself in the way of friends and family. Fix a fun summer meal and have a few friends over or maybe all meet for an extended lunch on a warm, sunny day! Take a drive and have a hike with the children. Pack lunches and picnic. No matter how busy you might be, taking time to make summer memories is well worth the time and effort! Spend some time writing in your journal some ideas for finishing out the summer with some fun!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-45464417199559781222010-06-24T09:33:00.001-05:002010-06-24T09:35:10.474-05:00Summer TravelMy Air Force father kept us on the move throughout my childhood, which I believe led to my sense of adventure and love for travel. Each new town brought new friends, new scenery, and new challenges, some good, some not so great, but that life style formed my ability to go with the flow (most of the time) and to easily make friends. I never felt disadvantaged by having to pick up and move. As an adult, however, I found myself in the same small town for 24 years, with one three year detour up the road 30 miles. I enjoyed raising my boys in one place. They are still friends with some of their kindergarten playmates, a luxury I never experienced. I did introduce them to the world though, through books, movies, and some travel, but I'm not sure any of them have the same love for the road that their mom does!<br />
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If you are able to travel, even if only short trips in your home state, take your kids on a road trip now and then. Allow them to plan the trip with you and to map out the route. If you enjoy camping, don't be afraid to go it alone with the kids, just pick safe spots where you know you are fairly well protected, such as KOA campgrounds or National Forest campgrounds. Most of these close the gates at 10:00 p.m. and have enough other campers in close proximity to keep you from feeling isolated from help should you need it. Camping not for you? Try an overnight trip to a hotel with a pool. My sons loved to take the two hour trip to Lubbock, TX to stay in an Embassy Suites that had a pool. And if you are unable to travel anywhere at all this summer, then take yourself and the kids to your public library and pick out books on the countries you would like to visit. Be sure and find books with lots of pictures and spend some time sharing with each other adventures you would like to have. Keep your mind and your kids open to the world around you. Helping them to understand that there is a big world out there will keep them open to all the possibilities that lie before them. Children become hopeless when they have no sense of a future and of course adults can feel that same hopelessness too, so I encourage you to travel this summer whether by car or plane or virtual, just get outside your routine world and go for something new. And if you have no kids at home, don't be afraid to travel alone. I learned a lot about myself during the years I made trips alone. I enjoyed the sense of quiet and peace that allowed me to think deeply and make decisions. Take some books, your journal, and a sense of adventure. Life is short. Enjoy and choose to be happy!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-4573463996942566522010-06-23T16:13:00.000-05:002010-06-23T16:13:57.619-05:00Art ProjectsWell, I created a masterpiece of art, and ran off and left it at my cousin's house. She is sending back to me, so I will post a picture at a later date. We had a great time with our little pieces of art which I wrote about in my last post, and though hard to imagine how the process would work, when we got right down to painting the work was quick. I hope you have spent some time choosing some kind of art in which you would like to engage. There are so many fun projects to attempt, so many ideas in magazines, on line, in stores, that any one of us should be able to come up with some kind of art project at any given moment and the great thing about doing so is the fun you will encounter. If you have kids out of school for the summer, finding some simple art projects for them to do when you all come home at the end of the day can give everyone a moment to reconnect and relax. Sitting down to do something creative together can bring about conversations that might never occur otherwise as everyone flies about in their own little world. Yes, even teens can be encouraged to join in on an art project. I hope you will give this a try. I'd love to hear from any of you who give this a go. Write and let me know what you created. You just might be the inspiration someone else needs. Choose happiness by taking action!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-55600439767170203042010-06-14T11:38:00.002-05:002010-06-14T11:39:58.214-05:00Breast Painting!I have escaped the heat of Memphis to Warrensburg, MO, on a road trip across the mid-states to Colorado with the final destination being Albuquerque, NM. My younger sister and I are visiting our cousin here in Warrensburg and having a great time catching up, seeing her incredible art (you can view at: www.teresadirks.com) and making our own art. After moving across the state to this beautiful city, she got involved with a fund raiser for breast cancer in which women are painting with their breasts. That's right, their breasts! We have viewed a few of the pieces and today will be making our own. We have painted the background canvas and will later today finish our paintings. I'll fill you in later on the experience! This morning our conversation centered around creative arts and how as a society we have somewhat lost our creative urges and buried them beneath television and busyness. When you think back on generations past they spent their evenings sewing or painting, making instruments or furniture, painting or playing instruments. Evenings were a time to visit with one another and often times revolved around just such projects as these. In my book, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Choosing Happiness After Divorce, </span>I talk about the importance of finding projects to creatively engage your mind as this helps us get outside ourselves and explore new ideas and have fun. If you haven't tried any kind of art project in awhile, why not give one a go? Even if you just grab some crayons and color, you might be surprised how stress relieving it feels! In your journal, make a list of art projects you would like to try and don't forget about using "found" objects around the house or bought inexpensively at a garage sale or flea market. Take some time for you and even if you can't give up your television time, try some art while watching! Choose happiness!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-11720019570371455552010-06-09T08:13:00.000-05:002010-06-09T08:13:40.068-05:00DatingI recently spoke to the Single's Community at Hope Presbyterian and dating after divorce is always part of my message and always a question that comes up at the end. I always encourage people to date someone for two years before they commit to remarriage, but I am so often surprised by the reaction this receives. "Two years? Isn't that a long time?" My question in return then is, "What's two years compared to another divorce and the heartache that entails?" The reason I recommend two years is that anyone can be on their best behavior for a year, managing anger or control issues or any number of difficulties, but in the second year, as a couple moves into the comfort zone, that is when any real issues are going to surface, the "mask" comes off and the skeletons come out of the closet! On the other hand, if both parties are being honest and open with each other, the second year is when you move into the comfort zone of deeper commitment and understanding, bringing you closer together before you make the final move to marriage. However, this is only going to be true if you are actively and consciously considering what you want in your next relationship!<br />
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Attorneys will tell you 9 times out of 10 they will see the same person for their second divorce because their client has married someone just like their first spouse. Dating for two years isn't going to make a difference if you are not willing to do the work it takes to break from the familiar and seek what is best. In other words, you have to take action to make a different choice. I knew from my first marriage I did not want to fall into a relationship with a controlling or jealous man. I had been there and knew this had been the slow poison that sucked the life out of our marriage. When I went on a date with a man, one date, who became jealous and angry over a funny comment I made, I told him goodbye, that he was not the man for me. I knew then I had broken the barrier, that I was going to be able to make a better choice because I could really SEE what I didn't want and call it out. I didn't just miraculously arrive at this ability, I worked hard to get there. I wrote daily in my journal about what I wanted in my next relationship, what I wanted to bring to the relationship and what I wanted someone else to bring as well. I made lists of character traits and qualities, wrote about morals and values, and what I hoped to have in common. And then when I did begin to date a man that tentatively fit my description, over the course of the two years we dated, I realized as he revealed himself to me, that he definitely was the man I had been writing about. We have now been married for four and a half years and not a day goes by that I am not thankful for the blessing of a good man who loves me and adores me and whom I love with all my heart.<br />
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I encourage you to take the time to do the same. Don't let your heart overrule your head and fall into a relationship based on emotion. Emotions are fleeting, but thinking and working on what you want and need is the path to a great relationship. Write and write and write in your journal about the qualities you want in a new spouse, but also write about what you want to bring to that relationship. It's not about finding the perfect other, it's about growing yourself and a relationship into a constantly forward moving connection! Choose to take an active part in forming a great relationship and choose happiness!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-74328833439245542282010-06-04T10:45:00.001-05:002010-06-04T11:06:24.213-05:00Tomato sweet and easy!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Xuv83ScGoFxtoiWSoWu12YTfrqVd4dudpk64wcIy-FWlCrBEx7jKSpD0XJlhRyDKrMjv_LXT-tv1tsgdjN7SNilF6SSwliFlPb3E8YrLoTayMINn2BVCOW4ZNmqEH9BRfW7AQn1-9Mwx/s1600/P1020279.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Xuv83ScGoFxtoiWSoWu12YTfrqVd4dudpk64wcIy-FWlCrBEx7jKSpD0XJlhRyDKrMjv_LXT-tv1tsgdjN7SNilF6SSwliFlPb3E8YrLoTayMINn2BVCOW4ZNmqEH9BRfW7AQn1-9Mwx/s320/P1020279.JPG" /></a></div>One of my firm beliefs is that we all need to eat healthier. We live in busy times, but our health is so important and taking care of our health is vital to our happiness. As a child, I remember well my mother's fondness of tomatoes, but especially of those ripe juicy off the vine summer tomatoes that store bought can't compete with, so this is in honor of her. Today I am sharing an easy salad to have along side a sandwich or with an evening meal. Enjoy!<br />
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Slice a ripe tomato into 1/4-1/2 inch slices<br />
sprinkle with kosher salt<br />
cut 4 basil leaves into thin slices (kitchen shears work the best, but can be accomplished with a knife)<br />
grate 1/2 ounce of mozzarella cheese over tops<br />
sprinkle with the cut basil<br />
drizzle with olive oil<br />
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Simple! Delicious! Healthy!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-9641245155077837682010-06-03T15:52:00.000-05:002010-06-03T15:52:04.779-05:00GraduationThere is inevitable joy in a graduation ceremony and last night was no exception. I love the sense that life is just beginning for these high school graduates; there is such hope and excitement in what lies ahead for them. Watching my many students over the years walk across similar stages I always feel the frustrations, the upsets, the exhaustion of the end of the year, fade into the background, replaced with the memories of the aha moments, the class discussion that sparked a withdrawn student, the kindness observed between two in the halls or the reassurance from a student when no one else was around that he or she really liked my class. These are the moments that keep a teacher returning year after year to a classroom.<br />
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So what does this have to do with choosing happiness after divorce? Well, as I thought about all of this last night, I realized the end of a marriage is somewhat like a graduation. Something fraught with all emotions has come to an end and just like my seniors graduating with all the choices they must now face, we also have many decisions to make. We can be like those who go on to successful lives by thinking positively and taking an active part in their growth, or we can be like the students who never quite understand that they must take responsibility for themselves and make their life their own. Though divorce is stressful and hurtful and difficult, each of us has to choose how we are going to face this new season in life, and whether or not we will be happy. <br />
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Take time to write in your journal, keeping in mind the idea of "graduation," and write what your plans for the future might be. There are endless opportunities in front of you if you open your eyes and your mind to all of that which you can conceive. Choose happiness!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-55858322450547647952010-06-02T08:19:00.000-05:002010-06-02T08:19:11.446-05:00ChangeJune 2nd! Where did the last month and a half go? Sorry I have been away so long, but taking on a teaching job again took some adjustment! I have found being back in the classroom energizing and fun. I didn't expect to find myself teaching again, however, the challenge has made me think that much more about choosing happiness. When faced with changes, they can often feel overwhelming, but deciding to make the best of changes is what leads us to still choose happiness. No matter the season you find yourself in, no matter the circumstances, you can still be happy. I encourage you to look at all the changes that have occurred in your life and look for what you learned from them, or how you were affected. Make a vow to yourself that if you have not accepted change well in the past, that any future changes will be different. Take time to really think through and write about even the smallest positive that resulted from change in your life. When you start looking for the positive, you will see more positive. A friend once gave me a card which said on the front, "Bloom where you are planted!" and I kept it posted next to my mirror for many years to remind myself to live my best each and every day. Are you blooming where you have been planted? Are you making the best of whatever your situation? Take the time to write in your journal and think this through. I need to take my own advice today as I have fallen short on my writing lately and I know how much this helps when thinking through our day to day challenges. Choose happiness today and meet change head on!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-26817011067335635442010-04-21T08:13:00.000-05:002010-04-21T08:13:55.820-05:00Take time to noticeNo matter how hectic your life, taking time to "smell the roses" is vitally important! Taking time to notice the little things in life makes your own life better. I have an acquaintance who rarely takes notice of the beauty around her, nor is she able to take note of the people around her in any significant manner. Her life is consumed with thinking about how hard HER life is every moment of her day. Unfortunately, her life is hard because she cannot see anything but this. Don't get me wrong, I am not making light of her problems, but consider this, when you believe your life is so difficult that you only think about you, then you are missing the opportunity to make life better, to choose the happiness that will definitely make life easier. We all have problems, we all have difficulties, but our perspective is what weights the load. Take time to note in your journal the little things that bring a smile to your face and if you aren't noticing anything to make you smile, then it's time to get outside yourself and start looking around! Choose happiness and choose to "smell the roses."Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-33428676736514012022010-04-07T14:32:00.001-05:002010-04-07T14:33:34.133-05:00Interesting readI just finished reading <em>Lit, </em>by Mary Karr. This is her third memoir. Having been a fan of her first, <em>The Liar's Club, </em>I decided to give this one a go too and she doesn't disappoint. I thought I would mention this book today in connection to my last blog on prayer and meditation. In this memoir, she describes her journey from alcoholic to recovered alcoholic, from married to divorced single mom, and when she finally gave in to a higher power, how her life dramatically began to change. If you are looking for a good, inspiring read, I would suggest this book. She describes how she hit rock bottom, but then dragged herself back up, kicking and screaming the whole way, until she finally let go and put her faith in someone besides herself: God. Karr describes how prayer became a part of her life and the difference this has made for her. As you deal with your daily struggles, are you reaching for a higher power? Give faith and prayer a chance and see if you don't find a difference in your life. I know I did during my darkest hours and I have grown exponentially since that time. Spend some time writing about your doubts, but then write about what you have to lose by letting go and putting your faith in God. I think you will find you have nothing to lose. Choosing happiness is about putting problems in a new perspective and giving them to God allows you this opportunity. Choose to be happy!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-73155460861040367822010-03-29T17:15:00.000-05:002010-03-29T17:15:33.839-05:00Prayer powerMeditation or prayer, whichever you choose, can be the means to allow you to find peace in your life. I know some of my readers may not be of a Christian background specifically and recognize that your spirituality may be a meditation tradition. I believe in God as my higher power and hope you will still find encouragement in this writing. I grew up in what I would term a fundamentalist religion, permeated with rules and religiosity with not a lot of grace and forgiveness going on. My first husband did as well, though my family was Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night attenders, his was Sunday morning at best. Nevertheless, we brought our children into this religion as well. And then somewhere about the age of thirty I just could not bear to be a part of this any longer. My questioning actually started around sixth grade, when I began to really read the Bible for myself. I started questioning my Sunday school and Wednesday night Bible teachers as to the inconsistency in what the Bible said and what I witnessed as the behaviour of people in church. Here Jesus was talking about love and the power of prayer, but I was seeing a lot of judging, nonacceptance of "sinners" and unkindness, and I just wanted to know WHY???? Why weren't people following the Bible? Why did they talk about prayer and then not believe that God would answer those prayers? Why, when other religions come up did the leaders in this church I attended say others were all going to hell? Could they not read? Could they not see that God, right there in every book of the New Testament talks about the GRACE of God? Exhorts us to pray and ask specifically for what we need from God? To believe that he will ANSWER prayer? I actually even gave up on God during a really difficult time in my life, thinking there was no point. Then divorce occurred, the absolute most difficult point in my life, and something in me knew I had to rely on someone higher than myself and I turned back to God. I attended church with a Catholic friend and when I started viewing people engaged in their beliefs, I started feeling a spark of belief in myself again, and though I was unable to buy into a religion that needed me to pray through a priest, I soon started praying on my own and attending other churches. Though for many years I did not connect with a church home, I began to have an active prayer life again and started seeing a difference in my life. When I knew I was ready for another relationship, I even began praying specifically for the kind of man I hoped to meet, to love, and to love me. I also began to study how to pray and realized God wasn't looking for our poured out list of wants, but specifically gratefulness and awe in what he provides and in all created. My life has been blessed far more in the years since I began to pray in this manner than in all the previous years of my life. I hope in this difficult season of your life you are looking to God and praying for strength and peace. I have found that writing a prayer list and writing some of my prayers helps me to be more mindful and thoughtful. Try this in your journal and see if you don't find a difference in your life. Spend some time in study about prayer. There are many great resources available. One of the best articles I've read on prayer can be found at: <a href="http://www.gnmagazine.org/issues/gn83/lesson-prayer.htm">www.gnmagazine.org/issues/gn83/lesson-prayer.htm</a> This goes through the "model prayer" often known as the Lord's Prayer and explains the model he provided us and how to follow the tenets of the prayer. I believe in the power of prayer. I hope this will encourage you to give prayer some thought in your life and try the power! Prayers and love to you all as you choose happiness!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-714275884608821322010-03-26T22:14:00.001-05:002010-03-26T22:16:43.992-05:00FamilyThere is nothing like being with family! Enjoying the smiles, the laughter, shared meals, long ago stories retold to grandkids, and the talk. I love talking with my sons, their wives, girlfriends, grandkids; such an amazing experience. Time flies and I realize, as I say over and over: live your life!! Live it now and live it well! Enjoy the moment! Time is so short and who knows how many days we have. Spend some time writing about the times you enjoy with your family. Remind yourself there is so much for which to be thankful. Choose happiness and live!!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-77146146624765001022010-03-24T18:27:00.000-05:002010-03-24T18:27:04.434-05:00The stress of changeHello readers! Sorry I have been away, but I'm now getting settled into the teaching routine again and so I will be back to posting regularly. Thanks for your patience. I have to say, teaching again has been a bit exhausting, but very energizing and especially in a totally different environment than I have experienced before. This has reminded me that when our circumstances change, the stress can be quite overwhelming. Psychologists report that change, whether positive or negative, often causes the greatest stress in our lives and I have definitely been feeling the stress. However, being aware of this and really paying attention to the simple things I can do to alleviate stress is keeping my level to a minimum. A couple of ways to keep stress to a minimum when you know you are going to be dealing with change is to be sure and get plenty of sleep (see an earlier blog on sleep deprivation) and to also eat as healthy as possible. When stress levels are out of control, depression, anger, frustration can definitely set in and none of these are going to help your happiness level. Divorce is certainly a huge change and next to the death of a spouse or child, the most stressful life event you will face. If you are recently divorced, or even going through divorce, you will need as many stress fighting strategies as possible. You may need to seek psychological counseling if you become overwhelmed. There is nothing wrong with doing so. If you have recovered from the divorce, but still dealing with many changes, whether positive or negative, try the two simple stress relievers mentioned above. You might also consider a yoga class or stretch and relaxation class. Finding positive ways to deal with the stress is important. This makes choosing happiness much easier!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5039542851860579309.post-33724166137663813092010-03-09T16:17:00.001-06:002010-03-09T19:54:22.367-06:00You are what you thinkI listened to Earl Nightingale's <em>The Strangest Secret </em>while on a road trip this weekend and was reminded of the most important key to choosing happiness. That key is: you are what you think! Every thought that we allow in our heads affects how we think and respond to life. Negative thoughts will breed negative actions. Self-defeating thoughts will find you defeated and on and on. So I had to stop and think about what my thoughts have been lately and take stock of the importance of staying on top of those thoughts and not letting them spin into the negative. I'm doing pretty good these days, but then I've been working on this for many years. Teaching yourself to avoid negative thoughts takes time, but can be done. One of the best ways to avoid the negative is to turn off the television. I know all the reasons people say they watch television, but the thing is, none of the reasons really hold true. It is not relaxing, it is mind numbing; it is not thought provoking, it is thought manipulation; it is not a way to spend your spare time, it is a means to waste time, time that could be spent in so many more relaxing, thought provoking, time enhancing ways! Television is addicting too and believe me, that is one of the reasons I say it should be avoided because I LIKE television and know how addictive it can be; however, I have realized the amount of time it takes away from my life and once I quit watching I really didn't miss it. I have a much easier time staying positive and I waste far less time than I once did. You will find this to be true too if you just give it a chance. Trust me, a month from now you won't even miss it and when you do happen to watch, you will find it tedious and annoying. Ten years from now you won't be saying, "darn, I sure missed out by not watching television," but you will be saying if you continue to watch, "where has my time gone? Why have I not improved my life or become more successful?" You can't grow your personal life if it is spent in front of the T.V. You cannot change your thought processes if they are numbed or over stimulated by television. You are what you think! What are you thinking these days? I hope you are spending time thinking about your life and about happiness. Choose happiness!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00744751833759647119noreply@blogger.com0