Summer Travel

My Air Force father kept us on the move throughout my childhood, which I believe led to my sense of adventure and love for travel. Each new town brought new friends, new scenery, and new challenges, some good, some not so great, but that life style formed my ability to go with the flow (most of the time) and to easily make friends. I never felt disadvantaged by having to pick up and move. As an adult, however, I found myself in the same small town for 24 years, with one three year detour up the road 30 miles. I enjoyed raising my boys in one place. They are still friends with some of their kindergarten playmates, a luxury I never experienced. I did introduce them to the world though, through books, movies, and some travel, but I'm not sure any of them have the same love for the road that their mom does!

If you are able to travel, even if only short trips in your home state, take your kids on a road trip now and then. Allow them to plan the trip with you and to map out the route. If you enjoy camping, don't be afraid to go it alone with the kids, just pick safe spots where you know you are fairly well protected, such as KOA campgrounds or National Forest campgrounds. Most of these close the gates at 10:00 p.m. and have enough other campers in close proximity to keep you from feeling isolated from help should you need it. Camping not for you? Try an overnight trip to a hotel with a pool. My sons loved to take the two hour trip to Lubbock, TX to stay in an Embassy Suites that had a pool. And if you are unable to travel anywhere at all this summer, then take yourself and the kids to your public library and pick out books on the countries you would like to visit. Be sure and find books with lots of pictures and spend some time sharing with each other adventures you would like to have. Keep your mind and your kids open to the world around you. Helping them to understand that there is a big world out there will keep them open to all the possibilities that lie before them. Children become hopeless when they have no sense of a future and of course adults can feel that same hopelessness too, so I encourage you to travel this summer whether by car or plane or virtual, just get outside your routine world and go for something new. And if you have no kids at home, don't be afraid to travel alone. I learned a lot about myself during the years I made trips alone. I enjoyed the sense of quiet and peace that allowed me to think deeply and make decisions. Take some books, your journal, and a sense of adventure. Life is short. Enjoy and choose to be happy!

Art Projects

Well, I created a masterpiece of art, and ran off and left it at my cousin's house. She is sending back to me, so I will post a picture at a later date. We had a great time with our little pieces of art which I wrote about in my last post, and though hard to imagine how the process would work, when we got right down to painting the work was quick. I hope you have spent some time choosing some kind of art in which you would like to engage. There are so many fun projects to attempt, so many ideas in magazines, on line, in stores, that any one of us should be able to come up with some kind of art project at any given moment and the great thing about doing so is the fun you will encounter. If you have kids out of school for the summer, finding some simple art projects for them to do when you all come home at the end of the day can give everyone a moment to reconnect and relax. Sitting down to do something creative together can bring about conversations that might never occur otherwise as everyone flies about in their own little world. Yes, even teens can be encouraged to join in on an art project. I hope you will give this a try. I'd love to hear from any of you who give this a go. Write and let me know what you created. You just might be the inspiration someone else needs. Choose happiness by taking action!

Breast Painting!

I have escaped the heat of Memphis to Warrensburg, MO, on a road trip across the mid-states to Colorado with the final destination being Albuquerque, NM. My younger sister and I are visiting our cousin here in Warrensburg and having a great time catching up, seeing her incredible art (you can view at: www.teresadirks.com) and making our own art. After moving across the state to this beautiful city, she got involved with a fund raiser for breast cancer in which women are painting with their breasts. That's right, their breasts! We have viewed a few of the pieces and today will be making our own. We have painted the background canvas and will later today finish our paintings. I'll fill you in later on the experience! This morning our conversation centered around creative arts and how as a society we have somewhat lost our creative urges and buried them beneath television and busyness. When you think back on generations past they spent their evenings sewing or painting, making instruments or furniture, painting or playing instruments. Evenings were a time to visit with one another and often times revolved around just such projects as these. In my book, Choosing Happiness After Divorce, I talk about the importance of finding projects to creatively engage your mind as this helps us get outside ourselves and explore new ideas and have fun. If you haven't tried any kind of art project in awhile, why not give one a go? Even if you just grab some crayons and color, you might be surprised how stress relieving it feels! In your journal, make a list of art projects you would like to try and don't forget about using "found" objects around the house or bought inexpensively at a garage sale or flea market. Take some time for you and even if you can't give up your television time, try some art while watching! Choose happiness!

Dating

I recently spoke to the Single's Community at Hope Presbyterian and dating after divorce is always part of my message and always a question that comes up at the end. I always encourage people to date someone for two years before they commit to remarriage, but I am so often surprised by the reaction this receives. "Two years? Isn't that a long time?" My question in return then is, "What's two years compared to another divorce and the heartache that entails?" The reason I recommend two years is that anyone can be on their best behavior for a year, managing anger or control issues or any number of difficulties, but in the second year, as a couple moves into the comfort zone, that is when any real issues are going to surface, the "mask" comes off and the skeletons come out of the closet! On the other hand, if both parties are being honest and open with each other, the second year is when you move into the comfort zone of deeper commitment and understanding, bringing you closer together before you make the final move to marriage. However, this is only going to be true if you are actively and consciously considering what you want in your next relationship!

Attorneys will tell you 9 times out of 10 they will see the same person for their second divorce because their client has married someone just like their first spouse. Dating for two years isn't going to make a difference if you are not willing to do the work it takes to break from the familiar and seek what is best. In other words, you have to take action to make a different choice. I knew from my first marriage I did not want to fall into a relationship with a controlling or jealous man. I had been there and knew this had been the slow poison that sucked the life out of our marriage. When I went on a date with a man, one date, who became jealous and angry over a funny comment I made, I told him goodbye, that he was not the man for me. I knew then I had broken the barrier, that I was going to be able to make a better choice because I could really SEE what I didn't want and call it out. I didn't just miraculously arrive at this ability, I worked hard to get there. I wrote daily in my journal about what I wanted in my next relationship, what I wanted to bring to the relationship and what I wanted someone else to bring as well. I made lists of character traits and qualities, wrote about morals and values, and what I hoped to have in common. And then when I did begin to date a man that tentatively fit my description, over the course of the two years we dated, I realized as he revealed himself to me, that he definitely was the man I had been writing about. We have now been married for four and a half years and not a day goes by that I am not thankful for the blessing of a good man who loves me and adores me and whom I love with all my heart.

I encourage you to take the time to do the same. Don't let your heart  overrule your head and fall into a relationship based on emotion. Emotions are fleeting, but thinking and working on what you want and need is the path to a great relationship. Write and write and write in your journal about the qualities you want in a new spouse, but also write about what you want to bring to that relationship. It's not about finding the perfect other, it's about growing yourself and a relationship into a constantly forward moving connection! Choose to take an active part in forming a great relationship and choose happiness!

Tomato sweet and easy!

One of my firm beliefs is that we all need to eat healthier. We live in busy times, but our health is so important and taking care of our health is vital to our happiness.  As a child, I remember well my mother's fondness of tomatoes, but especially of those ripe juicy off the vine summer tomatoes that store bought can't compete with, so this is in honor of her. Today I am sharing an easy salad to have along side  a sandwich or with an evening meal. Enjoy!

Slice a ripe tomato into 1/4-1/2 inch slices
sprinkle with kosher salt
cut 4 basil leaves into thin slices (kitchen shears work the best, but can be accomplished with a knife)
grate 1/2 ounce of mozzarella cheese over tops
sprinkle with the cut basil
drizzle with olive oil

Simple! Delicious! Healthy!

Graduation

There is inevitable joy in a graduation ceremony and last night was no exception. I love the sense that life is just beginning for these high school graduates; there is such hope and excitement in what lies ahead for them. Watching my many students over the years walk across similar stages I always feel the frustrations, the upsets, the exhaustion of the end of the year, fade into the background, replaced with the memories of the aha moments, the class discussion that sparked a withdrawn student, the kindness observed between two in the halls or the reassurance from a student when no one else was around that he or she really liked my class. These are the moments that keep a teacher returning year after year to a classroom.

So what does this have to do with choosing happiness after divorce? Well, as I thought about all of this last night, I realized the end of a marriage is somewhat like a graduation. Something fraught with all emotions has come to an end and just like my seniors graduating with all the choices they must now face, we also have many decisions to make. We can be like those who go on to successful lives by thinking positively and taking an active part in their growth, or we can be like the students who never quite understand that they must take responsibility for themselves and make their life their own. Though divorce is stressful and hurtful and difficult, each of us has to choose how we are going to face this new season in life, and whether or not we will be happy. 

Take time to write in your journal, keeping in mind the idea of "graduation," and write what your plans for the future might be. There are endless opportunities in front of you if you open your eyes and your mind to all of that which you can conceive. Choose happiness!

Change

June  2nd! Where did the last month and a half go? Sorry I have been away so long, but taking on a teaching job again took some adjustment! I have found being back in the classroom energizing and fun. I didn't expect to find myself teaching again, however, the challenge has made me think that much more about choosing happiness. When faced with changes, they can often feel overwhelming, but deciding to make the best of changes is what leads us to still choose happiness. No matter the season you find yourself in, no matter the circumstances, you can still be happy. I encourage you to look at all the changes that have occurred in your life and look for what you learned from them, or how you were affected. Make a vow to yourself that if you have not accepted change well in the past, that any future changes will be different. Take time to really think through and write about even the smallest positive that resulted from change in your life. When you start looking for the positive, you will see more positive. A friend once gave me a card which said on the front, "Bloom where you are planted!" and I kept it posted next to my mirror for many years to remind myself to live my best each and every day. Are you blooming where you have been planted? Are you making the best of whatever your situation? Take the time to write in your journal and think this through. I need to take my own advice today as I have fallen short on my writing lately and I know how much this helps when thinking through our day to day challenges. Choose happiness today and meet change head on!

Take time to notice

No matter how hectic your life, taking time to "smell the roses" is vitally important! Taking time to notice the little things in life makes your own life better. I have an acquaintance who rarely takes notice of the beauty around her, nor is she able to take note of the people around her in any significant manner. Her life is consumed with thinking about how hard HER life is every moment of her day. Unfortunately, her life is hard because she cannot see anything but this. Don't get me wrong, I am not making light of her problems, but consider this, when you believe your life is so difficult that you only think about you, then you are missing the opportunity to make life better, to choose the happiness that will definitely make life easier. We all have problems, we all have difficulties, but our perspective is what weights the load. Take time to note in your journal the little things that bring a smile to your face and if you aren't noticing anything to make you smile, then it's time to get outside yourself and start looking around! Choose happiness and choose to "smell the roses."

Interesting read

I just finished reading Lit, by Mary Karr. This is her third memoir. Having been a fan of her first, The Liar's Club, I decided to give this one a go too and she doesn't disappoint. I thought I would mention this book today in connection to my last blog on prayer and meditation. In this memoir, she describes her journey from alcoholic to recovered alcoholic, from married to divorced single mom, and when she finally gave in to a higher power, how her life dramatically began to change. If you are looking for a good, inspiring read, I would suggest this book. She describes how she hit rock bottom, but then dragged herself back up, kicking and screaming the whole way, until she finally let go and put her faith in someone besides herself: God. Karr describes how prayer became a part of her life and the difference this has made for her. As you deal with your daily struggles, are you reaching for a higher power? Give faith and prayer a chance and see if you don't find a difference in your life. I know I did during my darkest hours and I have grown exponentially since that time. Spend some time writing about your doubts, but then write about what you have to lose by letting go and putting your faith in God. I think you will find you have nothing to lose. Choosing happiness is about putting problems in a new perspective and giving them to God allows you this opportunity. Choose to be happy!

Prayer power

Meditation or prayer, whichever you choose, can be the means to allow you to find peace in your life. I know some of my readers may not be of a Christian background specifically and recognize that your spirituality may be a meditation tradition. I believe in God as my higher power and hope you will still find encouragement in this writing. I grew up in what I would term a fundamentalist religion, permeated with rules and religiosity with not a lot of grace and forgiveness going on. My first husband did as well, though my family was Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night attenders, his was Sunday morning at best. Nevertheless, we brought our children into this religion as well. And then somewhere about the age of thirty I just could not bear to be a part of this any longer. My questioning actually started around sixth grade, when I began to really read the Bible for myself. I started questioning my Sunday school and Wednesday night Bible teachers as to the inconsistency in what the Bible said and what I witnessed as the behaviour of people in church. Here Jesus was talking about love and the power of prayer, but I was seeing a lot of judging, nonacceptance of "sinners" and unkindness, and I just wanted to know WHY???? Why weren't people following the Bible? Why did they talk about prayer and then not believe that God would answer those prayers? Why, when other religions come up did the leaders in this church I attended say others were all going to hell? Could they not read? Could they not see that God, right there in every book of the New Testament talks about the GRACE of God? Exhorts us to pray and ask specifically for what we need from God? To believe that he will ANSWER prayer? I actually even gave up on God during a really difficult time in my life, thinking there was no point. Then divorce occurred, the absolute most difficult point in my life, and something in me knew I had to rely on someone higher than myself and I turned back to God. I attended church with a Catholic friend and when I started viewing people engaged in their beliefs, I started feeling a spark of belief in myself again, and though I was unable to buy into a religion that needed me to pray through a priest, I soon started praying on my own and attending other churches. Though for many years I did not connect with a church home, I began to have an active prayer life again and started seeing a difference in my life. When I knew I was ready for another relationship, I even began praying specifically for the kind of man I hoped to meet, to love, and to love me. I also began to study how to pray and realized God wasn't looking for our poured out list of wants, but specifically gratefulness and awe in what he provides and in all created. My life has been blessed far more in the years since I began to pray in this manner than in all the previous years of my life. I hope in this difficult season of your life you are looking to God and praying for strength and peace. I have found that writing a prayer list and writing some of my prayers helps me to be more mindful and thoughtful. Try this in your journal and see if you don't find a difference in your life. Spend some time in study about prayer. There are many great resources available. One of the best articles I've read on prayer can be found at: www.gnmagazine.org/issues/gn83/lesson-prayer.htm This goes through the "model prayer" often known as the Lord's Prayer and explains the model he provided us and how to follow the tenets of the prayer. I believe in the power of prayer. I hope this will encourage you to give prayer some thought in your life and try the power! Prayers and love to you all as you choose happiness!