Divorce is by far one of the most stressful life events anyone can face. Dealing with the anger, letdown, and the emotional ups and downs can be difficult. Likewise, remarriage often results in stressful situations as well. This blog is for those looking to move forward, forgive, and embrace a new life.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Allow your children to love you both
In an ideal divorce situation, both parents would deserve and have equal custody along with decision making capabilities regarding their children. They would treat each other fairly and with respect for their own chosen parenting style. Unfortunately this is too often not the case and at least one parent if not both set out to defame the other parent in their children’s eyes. Turning your children against the other parent will create a life long psychological difficulty for them and gain you nothing. A friend of mine shared with me the anger she still feels at times towards her mother for turning her against her father while she was a child. When she was old enough to begin questioning all she had been told, she discovered that her mother had lied to her and greatly exaggerated her father's failings. She has now forged a relationship with her father and become closer to him than to her mother, and feels cheated of the years she lost to her mother's bitterness. Saying derogatory things about the other parent, withholding money, being disrespectful toward the other parent in front of your children only hurt your children and your long term relationship with them. Your anger at your ex can destroy you all when you choose to involve your children in exacting revenge on your ex. Allow your children to love both of you. Allow them to love the step parents that may be part of their lives. Love is infinite and will only result in more love for you, not less. When you act out of love, by being kind towards others, including your ex, and teach your children to always act out of love, the happiness in your lives will be multiplied over and over again. Hate and anger destroys lives. Don’t let it destroy your children. Spend some time this week writing about your children and whether or not you are being fair to their other parent. Are you acting out of love and kindness? Are you acting in the best interest of your children and not yourself. If not, decide to do so and write about how you can accomplish this. Have a great week.
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3 comments:
You are so right on! If you love, really love your children and can see past the anger, you will want for them all the love they can possibly draw to them. We should all want love, sweet love, not hate and bitterness to touch our children. It is not always easy but it is the right choice.
I can't wait for your book to be published. Meanwhile, thanks for sharing your incredible insights!
I can't wait for the b
You are so right! Thank you so much for putting yourself and your thoughts out there for all to see and share! Can't wait for the book!
Positively right on! As an educator and a child of divorced parents, divorce can be crippling for the children. I, however, am fortunate to have two loving parents who nurtured my respect for the other parent.
As an educator, I have experienced too many times parents who rip, rip, rip their children's security to hell. It is a selfish motive to do so. For a child, coming to terms with the family separation and upheaval, it is beyond extremely hard. But parents who respect the other and modeled that behavior will leave a positive imprint on their child's psyche. It is a lifetime imprint that cannot be undone. "Allowing your children to love you both" cannot be understated. I cannot wait to read this book and share this author's knowledge . . . Our children are our future.
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