Finding balance, order, rhythm and harmony in your life

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity

but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony."

-Thomas Merton

Thomas Merton is one of my favorite authors. His work takes real study and heavy thinking and I enjoy greatly the challenge his writings offer. I came across this quote and wanted to share with you because I think we sometimes look for happiness to be an intensity and if we do not feel it intensely, we think somehow, we are missing out on the happiness, but while we certainly may have those moments of intense happiness, most of the time, it will be revealed in a matter of balance, order, rhythm and harmony in our lives. While going through divorce, or any upheaval in life, all of these may seem elusive, but this is where we have to begin to CHOOSE the happiness, to look for it in the small things in life and seek to bring balance back to a world that has gone out of your control, to enjoy the rhythm of the day to day routines, to find order and harmony in your new life and stop looking for things to be the same as they were before. When life offers you a change, unwanted or not, it's time to stop looking at the past and to decide how to move forward. Only you can decide how to do this.

Think about how you can find balance when you may feel like you have too much on your plate. Do you need to cut some activities out? Find a new job? Work less or more hours? To make order out of what may seem like chaos, do you need to work on a to do list? Keep a calendar with every-one's activities listed? Move to a smaller home? Throw out stuff? To find rhythm do you need to set up new routines and rituals for you and the kids? And for harmony, will doing all of the above help everyone feel better and respond to what has to be accomplished in a more cheerful manner? Spend some time writing about how you can bring these four elements into your life to help you in choosing happiness everyday!

Forgiving your ex

I have been thinking about forgiveness all week. Forgiveness may be the hardest thing to accomplish after divorce, but so necessary for your peace of mind. If you don't forgive your ex, yourself, or anyone who wrongs you, you will find yourself looking back over your shoulder and stumbling into an unclear future, but when you forgive, you put the past behind you and can then move forward in a positive manner, choosing happiness for yourself.

In Colossians 3:13 we read: "Forgive as freely as the Lord has forgiven you. And, above everything else, be truly loving, for love is the golden chain of all the virtues."

When we forgive as God has forgiven us, we experience a freedom we cannot imagine. Letting go allows us to move forward, allows us to release what we cannot control, and put it aside. If you have not forgiven someone who has wronged you, try looking at the situation from God's perspective and know there is nothing he will not forgive us. There is no wrong he will not disregard if we only ask. Take the time to forgive and though you may never forget, by forgiving the pain will ease and the control that person has had over you will be gone.

Take time this week to write about someone whom you are struggling to forgive. Think about the freedom you will experience if you do not allow the person to control you any longer, as that is exactly what occurs when you do not forgive. Write how you might come to forgiveness through prayer or meditation.

Have a great week! Choose Happiness!

More about New Mexico happenings!

In the last  post I let you know about the filming of Choosing Happiness After Divorce, with KENW-TV at Eastern New Mexico University, in Portales, NM. It was truly a great experience and I believe I have a show that can be of help to not only women who are divorced, but to anyone seeking happiness. The book signing following the show allowed me to meet new people and see some old friends. I had such a great week, not only with the show, but being with two of my sons and their families. My grandkids are always such fun!

This is Tre, nine years old, third grade.

Emma, who is turning five next week!

And Katie, just turned three!

As I spoke to the different groups and filmed the various shows, I talked about finding your joy in life; for me, the relationships with my children, my grandchildren and all my family, mean so much to me! I celebrate each and every moment I am able to spend with them!

While I was in NM, I also filmed two other programs. Sheryl Borden of Creative Living, seen in 100 different public television markets, invited me to film four different segments with her, regarding the book and the recipes. These will air over the next year. I also appeared on You Should Know, with Don Criss for a short interview. While pregnant with my twins, many, many years ago, he followed my pregnancy on his show through ultra sound, so it was a great pleasure to see him again and during the years I operated a catering business, I had filmed a cooking show with Sheryl Borden, so what a great pleasure to reconnect with them and to have the opportunity now to share my book.

As you think about choosing happiness this week, concentrate on all that brings you joy. Write in your journal about the relationships that mean the most to you. Martin Seligman, in his book Authentic Happiness, suggests you write gratitude letters to the people who mean the most to you! What a great idea and gift to those we love.

Have a great weekend! Choose Happiness!

And here it is!

I have been out of town over the last two weekends, visiting New Mexico where my children and grandchildren reside. A few things have occured over the last couple of weeks! First, my book is now available through Amazon.com and will soon be available through http://www.englishmaniac.com/, the publisher. Additionally, while in New Mexico I filmed, Choosing Happiness After Divorce, with KENW at ENMU, Portales, NM. The hour long show will air on KENW during the December pledge drive, but the station is also seeking to see this show aired on all NM public television and in as many other locales as possible! I had a great time with the filming because an audience was in attendance and this made delivery of the message so much easier and the evening went great! But that had not been the case earlier in the day! I had been invited to speak at the local Altrusa meeting at noon that day and when I began speaking within just a few sentences I literally froze and could not think of one single word to say! I took a deep breath and told the ladies how nervous I was about the upcoming show that evening and told them I would start over. And I did and went on to deliver my message with no problem, but what a moment! I have spoken before many groups in my life and I have never drawn a blank like I did that day. It was an humbling moment to say the least! I am thrilled to say, no one threw tomatoes or laughed! They were very kind and understanding. I was so afraid I would have the same problem that evening for filming that I went to my son's house and rehearsed the opening over and over again to hopefully prevent another freeze up and I guess it helped because I made it through with no problems!

If you would like to see the show, request that your public television station contact KENW and find out how they can air the show in their market as well. I will post a clip on my site as soon as I receive the DVD.

This is a very happy moment for me! I'll share the rest of the week with you in the next post!