Forgiving your ex

I have been thinking about forgiveness all week. Forgiveness may be the hardest thing to accomplish after divorce, but so necessary for your peace of mind. If you don't forgive your ex, yourself, or anyone who wrongs you, you will find yourself looking back over your shoulder and stumbling into an unclear future, but when you forgive, you put the past behind you and can then move forward in a positive manner, choosing happiness for yourself.

In Colossians 3:13 we read: "Forgive as freely as the Lord has forgiven you. And, above everything else, be truly loving, for love is the golden chain of all the virtues."

When we forgive as God has forgiven us, we experience a freedom we cannot imagine. Letting go allows us to move forward, allows us to release what we cannot control, and put it aside. If you have not forgiven someone who has wronged you, try looking at the situation from God's perspective and know there is nothing he will not forgive us. There is no wrong he will not disregard if we only ask. Take the time to forgive and though you may never forget, by forgiving the pain will ease and the control that person has had over you will be gone.

Take time this week to write about someone whom you are struggling to forgive. Think about the freedom you will experience if you do not allow the person to control you any longer, as that is exactly what occurs when you do not forgive. Write how you might come to forgiveness through prayer or meditation.

Have a great week! Choose Happiness!

An unwelcome gift

My niece remarked recently about being hurt by someone in her life. She felt quite sad from the experience. I have felt that way myself in the past, and though I can still be hurt momentarily by someones meanness, thoughtlessness, or unkindness, what I have learned is that I have the choice to not accept their "gift" of hurtfulness and to choose to not let it affect me. While we may acknowledge what the person has said or done, we do not have to take it on. This is a problem for them, not for you. If you are acting out of kindness and love in all things, then let that person keep their "gift." If you have done something to them to incur their being upset, take responsibility and apologize, but then move on. We cannot control another person's actions, thoughts, or words, but we can control how we react to them. You can only choose happiness for yourself, and by making that choice, and practicing daily, you will soon find that it becomes easier and easier to live your life forward, to be happy, and to not allow someone else to control your thoughts or actions. If dealing with an angry ex, this may be difficult at times, but the marriage is over and the best thing you can do for yourself is to live your life and not allow this person to affect you any longer. Let your ex keep the "gift." Choose happiness for you.

Control and letting go!

“You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and the best you have to give.” –Eleanor Roosevelt There are things in our life we sometimes cannot control and these uncontrollable elements in our day to day life often cause interference in our happiness. However, when you begin to understand the difference between things you can control and things you can’t, you can let them go and not let them steal your joy. There is a Lucinda Williams song where she sings “you took my joy and I want it back…” and she goes to different places to find her joy, and I love that song, but the thing is, no one can steal your joy unless you allow it. I sometimes feel my happiness dwindling when faced with difficult circumstances, but I have learned to think long and hard about what I can do to fix the situation and when I finally realize this is something I cannot control, I let it go. Yes, it is hard, but if there is nothing I can do to make it better, being upset, sad or angry will not make the situation better. On the other hand, if I look at a situation and realize I CAN do something to fix this, then setting forth a plan of action is imperative. I wanted to share the Eleanor Roosevelt quote with you this week in regards to the control in your lives because once you understand the difference in your ability to control or the need to let go, no matter which it is, meeting anything that occurs in your life with courage and always giving your best will help you on your path to happiness. This week, spend some time writing about the issues in your life that upset you, and then gauge whether you have any control over the issue. If there is nothing you can do, let it go. Think also about issues you can control and keep in mind, often times the things you can control but choose to put off or ignore, weigh on you heavier than the issues that are out of your control. If this is the case with you, go back and read the entries on goal setting and get some of those issues off your plate! We all want certainty in our life, and controlling everything sometimes makes us feel more secure, but unfortunately sets you up for disappointment and possibly anger when the non-controllable comes along. I encourage you to let go! Choose Happiness!