Tis the season!

Ah, Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year! At least it can be, but for those just going through a divorce or in the aftermath of divorce, this can be the toughest time of the year. There is no way to sugarcoat the feelings you may be experiencing so you will have to find a way to deal with what may seem a very dark time. If you have children, then it becomes even that much more imperative. Their lives have been turned upside down, so helping them adjust and still find the Christmas spirit is important.

The temptation to not decorate may be great, but if you have always decorated for the holiday, then you must do it for yourself and for the children. One year, not long after my divorce, I was going to be out of town for much of the holiday season, but decided I still had to do something to give my home that Christmas feeling, so I decorated the hall tree with lights and stockings and greenery! It was beautiful and kept my spirits up until I could leave to be with friends and family.

Following a divorce, there may certainly be financial constraints. Turning this into a tirade about the other parent and how divorce has affected the finances is not healthy for anyone, so think of ways to put a positive spin on the situation. Maybe this year everyone has to make something for each other; or maybe you give gifts of service to each other. We all at times can get too caught up in the material world of Christmas, but finding creative ways to deal with the situation can make this the best time and give everyone the most fun they have experienced. In my book I talk about creating new rituals around the holiday. Everything has changed, and pretending that it hasn't won't make the changes go away, so come up with some new rituals to incorporate around the old rituals that may have become difficult to undertake or complete with your new situation.

If this is the first Christmas since the divorce, you will more than likely be splitting time with your children. This can be the toughest aspect, but preparing ahead by making plans on how to spend your time while the children are with their other parent is important. If you have other friends in your situation, make plans together. Maybe dinner in someone's home, or maybe a movie day. If you would rather be alone, that's fine too, as long as you have a plan for how to spend the day. It is too easy to get weepy and feel sorry for yourself if you are home alone with nothing to do but watch television, so clean out the attic, or your closet, maybe the garage, or read, bake for someone, work on a project you have been putting off, but no sad movies! Volunteering at a shelter or giving back to others is always a great way to lift your spirits and those of others.

Choosing happiness during the holidays may be tough, but with some creative planning and positive attitude, you may find this to be one of your happiest Christmas's ever!

Spend time in your journal this week planning and preparing for the holidays. What can you do to keep your spirits up? Which friends and family will help support and lift you up? Write about the feelings you have and then remember all you have to be grateful for this time of year and all year!