Be Present

In becoming connected through Facebook, Twitter, email, and all the other means of "connecting" these days, we are disconnecting from the people who are right in our presence. Parents walking with their children are on the phone chatting, instead of engaging their child(ren) in conversation. Couples sit at dinner tables and spend the entire evening on line instead of with each other. Adult children spend their time on devices instead of visiting with parents when together. All this "connecting" is affecting the relationships that matter most. Put the devices away and talk to each other. Look people in the eye and engage. Yes, it is great to connect with people out in the world, but they are not the ones who bring us a hug, who actually laugh out loud with us for real, or give us a kiss. XOXO LOL are just letters. The real thing is a better bet!

Peace and Joy!

Pawns in a Divorce Game

Let's have a chat over tea, shall we? I talk about the kids a lot when it comes to divorce, as they are so often nothing but pawns in their parents divorce and this constitutes a form of emotional abuse. When children are fought over it is not in their best interest. No one really wins, no matter the outcome. Children need both parents in their lives. They need to enjoy the benefits of the different relationship they have with each, and both parents need a break from the kids from time to time, so coming up with a plan that works is essential. Allowing lawyers to get involved in this process is going to make it expensive and ultimately ugly. If the two of you have difficulty talking to each other in person, send emails with no accusations, no demands, just thoughtful comments. If this is impossible, try a mediator who can be the go between and make recommendations. In the end, the children should have generous amounts of time with both parents and holidays should be generously divided as well so that the children learn the traditions of each family and have time to see relatives on both sides of the family.

Unfortunately, I have seen far too often, parents set out for revenge through their children, turning them against the other parent, the grandparents and other extended family. This is abusive and will affect their ability to trust and bond with a spouse in their future. If you make their relationship decisions for them now by turning them against people who love them and they in-turn loved, they will not make the best decisions for themselves when the time comes.

Share your children generously. Their world will be far better and more populated with love when they see that the two of you are willing to allow them to love you both. Children are not your pawns, but developing humans who need more than anything love.

Peace and joy to you,
Jane

P.S. If your spouse is seriously turning the children against you, read Divorce Poison, by Dr. Richard Warshak and get help before it is too late.

Gearing up

A lot has happened over the last year. My new website is off the ground and running, but because it is primarily about health, I feel like I left my Choosing Happiness friends out in the cold. I am returning to this blog and will be posting every Monday. I am adding posts about remarriage after divorce as well so look for this addition. I look forward, as always, to your comments and hope you will join me here each Monday for a Choosing Happiness message. Find me also at www.janeannthompson.com, which will be coming soon with a totally new layout and indexed recipes. Have a great weekend and I'll see you Monday!