The stress of change

Hello readers! Sorry I have been away, but I'm now getting settled into the teaching routine again and so I will be back to posting regularly. Thanks for your patience. I have to say, teaching again has been a bit exhausting, but very energizing and especially in a totally different environment than I have experienced before. This has reminded me that when our circumstances change, the stress can be quite overwhelming. Psychologists report that change, whether positive or negative, often causes the greatest stress in our lives and I have definitely been feeling the stress. However, being aware of this and really paying attention to the simple things I can do to alleviate stress is keeping my level to a minimum. A couple of ways to keep stress to a minimum when you know you are going to be dealing with change is to be sure and get plenty of sleep (see an earlier blog on sleep deprivation) and to also eat as healthy as possible. When stress levels are out of control, depression, anger, frustration can definitely set in and none of these are going to help your happiness level. Divorce is certainly a huge change and next to the death of a spouse or child, the most stressful life event you will face. If you are recently divorced, or even going through divorce, you will need as many stress fighting strategies as possible. You may need to seek psychological counseling if you become overwhelmed. There is nothing wrong with doing so. If you have recovered from the divorce, but still dealing with many changes, whether positive or negative, try the two simple stress relievers mentioned above. You might also consider a yoga class or stretch and relaxation class.  Finding positive ways to deal with the stress is  important. This makes choosing happiness much easier!

Sleep Deprivation

I woke up around 4:30 this morning and could not go back to sleep. I tossed and turned; I counted sheep; I prayed; I said the 23 Psalm; I did yoga breathing and nothing helped. I let my thoughts wander and lay awake until the alarm went off at 6:00 and then I had to get up and be ready for work. While my thoughts did wander, I thought about sleep deprivation through one of my streams of consciousness, and decided I need to write about this. You see, for many years I was in the field of education. During my early years, there were many nights I was up late as there just wasn't enough time in the day, so it seemed, to accomplish everything that had to be completed. But the realization finally hit me, that when I didn't get enough sleep, I did not give my best to my family, nor to my students and fellow faculty members and I did not accomplish as much when I was tired. I decided sleep had to become a priority.

Adults need 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night according to research and while there are those who sometimes claim to need less, research now shows that these people are sleep deprived and do not perform well on simple tasks. Also, those who sleep less than or more than the prescribed hours on an on going basis, tend to die younger than those who sleep the 7-8 hours. (Information from the Mayo Clinic website.) Additionally, children need much more sleep than we do as adults. I found an easy chart for babies at Babycenter.com and the number of hours infants and toddlers need is far more than most children actually get these days.

Because my early morning thoughts turned to lack of sleep I recalled those years before when I so consciously guarded my sleep and since I would be substitute teaching today and didn't want to be grumpy with my students I was concerned about being unable to return to sleep. Which led to me then thinking about choosing happiness. How can anyone choose happiness if they are sleep deprived? And how can you expect your children to be happy if they are sleep deprived? Maybe we could be a kinder nation if we all bothered to get enough sleep each night. We spend a lot of time running around from activity to activity, from chore to chore, and once we are exhausted we collapse into bed after yelling at the kids to go to bed, falling into a fitful sleep from which we know we will be awakened in far too short of time. And if this pattern goes on and on, your effectiveness as a parent, as a friend, worker, etc. will diminish. However, if you make sleep a priority, maybe you will find yourself accomplishing more and your relationships improving. I encourage you to make an all out effort for you and your children. Having troubled bedtimes with the kids? There are many websites which offer lots of effective ideas, but most importantly, remember, you are the parent and you have the final word. The Babycenter website warns against thinking your child does not need as much sleep as recommended. Children who can't fall asleep at night are generally sleep deprived. So take some time in your journal to come up with some new bedtime routines for the family and see if you can't help everyone have a happier day! Choose happiness by giving yourself the chance to be rested.

Routines help!

We all need some routine in our lives to keep things on an even keel. When you are a single parent, having routines in place for many different aspects of your life, may be a life saver. When life is coming at you in all different directions, it may be difficult, but your life, and the lives of your children will be easier to handle, and easier to choose happiness if you set up some routines and stick to them.

We all tend to be caught up in a frenzy of activity, believing that our kids have to be involved in lots of different sports, after school events, or social activities to be the best they can be and as parents, we often think we need to be involved in lots of activities too, to prevent boredom or to stay up with others, etc. All of these activities keep us running at a ridiculous speed and there is no time to set any sort of routine. We are lucky to just make it through the day. However, no one is going to be hurt by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and just enjoying each others company or the company of a good book, or playing a game together, or any number of things that a family can do together around the house. You will be a closer family for the effort and everyone will feel better. And setting some routines will help you slow down.

Routines help everyone in a household. Setting a routine up for getting everyone out the door on time in the mornings can help alleviate the tension, yelling, and hurt feelings that occur when everyone is running late. Routines for an early bedtime can help soothe the children and give mom or dad a break before hitting the bed themselves. Research shows that children need plenty of sleep, up to nine hours, and that unfortunately in our activity crazy society, most children do not get enough sleep most nights of the week. Setting routines for dinner and for other daily activities can help the household run smoother and easier.

Implementing routine may take some time and kids may balk at the change if you have had a "whatever" attitude, but if tensions are flaring and no one is getting along, routines can help. And remember, above all other things, you are the parent and if you do not take on the parent roll your children will suffer. You can say no and you can say this is how it is going to be! Need some help? Try a program like Love and Logic. http://www.loveandlogic.com/ This may really come in handy if you are struggling. Or take a look at some of the excellent books on raising children and use a few minutes each day to find ideas to implement.

Write up a routine you would like to implement in your home. Go through the steps in logical motion and then you might even post the list on the refrigerator for the kids to read, or you read to them, and begin, one routine at a time, to give you all some time to slow down, enjoy each other, and to choose happiness!