Be Present

In becoming connected through Facebook, Twitter, email, and all the other means of "connecting" these days, we are disconnecting from the people who are right in our presence. Parents walking with their children are on the phone chatting, instead of engaging their child(ren) in conversation. Couples sit at dinner tables and spend the entire evening on line instead of with each other. Adult children spend their time on devices instead of visiting with parents when together. All this "connecting" is affecting the relationships that matter most. Put the devices away and talk to each other. Look people in the eye and engage. Yes, it is great to connect with people out in the world, but they are not the ones who bring us a hug, who actually laugh out loud with us for real, or give us a kiss. XOXO LOL are just letters. The real thing is a better bet!

Peace and Joy!

Pawns in a Divorce Game

Let's have a chat over tea, shall we? I talk about the kids a lot when it comes to divorce, as they are so often nothing but pawns in their parents divorce and this constitutes a form of emotional abuse. When children are fought over it is not in their best interest. No one really wins, no matter the outcome. Children need both parents in their lives. They need to enjoy the benefits of the different relationship they have with each, and both parents need a break from the kids from time to time, so coming up with a plan that works is essential. Allowing lawyers to get involved in this process is going to make it expensive and ultimately ugly. If the two of you have difficulty talking to each other in person, send emails with no accusations, no demands, just thoughtful comments. If this is impossible, try a mediator who can be the go between and make recommendations. In the end, the children should have generous amounts of time with both parents and holidays should be generously divided as well so that the children learn the traditions of each family and have time to see relatives on both sides of the family.

Unfortunately, I have seen far too often, parents set out for revenge through their children, turning them against the other parent, the grandparents and other extended family. This is abusive and will affect their ability to trust and bond with a spouse in their future. If you make their relationship decisions for them now by turning them against people who love them and they in-turn loved, they will not make the best decisions for themselves when the time comes.

Share your children generously. Their world will be far better and more populated with love when they see that the two of you are willing to allow them to love you both. Children are not your pawns, but developing humans who need more than anything love.

Peace and joy to you,
Jane

P.S. If your spouse is seriously turning the children against you, read Divorce Poison, by Dr. Richard Warshak and get help before it is too late.

Gearing up

A lot has happened over the last year. My new website is off the ground and running, but because it is primarily about health, I feel like I left my Choosing Happiness friends out in the cold. I am returning to this blog and will be posting every Monday. I am adding posts about remarriage after divorce as well so look for this addition. I look forward, as always, to your comments and hope you will join me here each Monday for a Choosing Happiness message. Find me also at www.janeannthompson.com, which will be coming soon with a totally new layout and indexed recipes. Have a great weekend and I'll see you Monday!

New Blog and website

June 1, 2011 is the launch date for my new website, www.janeannthompson.com. Please join me there for my blog on health and happiness or to order my book, Choosing Happiness After Divorce. Sorry it has taken so long to get the new site running, but life interrupted. See you soon!

Great News!

Hello readers! Sorry for the dropping out of sight. We had some changes in circumstances around here that has caused some tough times, but forgiveness goes a long way in healing the upset and that is the road I am on! But now for the great news! I have a new website coming that will include my blog! As soon as I am set up I will get the word out and tell you where to find me! Look for the ability to have my blog delivered straight to your email and lots of features to make the sight fun and exciting! I am learning about Twitter and will be joining to send you messages each day! "What's making me happy today" will be the theme with something different each day to think about! Hope you are all enjoying the holiday spirit and celebrating with friends and family your blessings each day! prayers and love to all!

Choosing Happiness in God's Love

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

I  Thessalonians 5: 16-18 

My brain is overflowing with information from the She Speaks Conference of Proverbs 31 Ministries, but more importantly, my heart is bursting with the impact of this amazing experience. Surrounded by women in every season of life, hearing incredible speakers, attending seminars with a wealth of wisdom, I  am happy and blessed to have been a part of this event! I participated in a speakers evaluation group and connected with a group of women who will long remain in my memory and heart. (We managed to get a picture of almost all of us just before departing.) There were 608 women in attendance at the conference. The air was filled with the electricity of all the vibrant personalities, the laughter, the tears, the chatter; sometimes I would just stop and listen to the buzz of it all! All the speakers had messages that hit home with me and I know with the others in the room. Lysa Terkurst, Angela Thomas, Karen Ehman, and Beth Moore who made a special video appearance, sharing with us insights on drawing closer to God through letting him speak through our messages.

God has not always been a presence in my life. He had a questionable presence during my formative years and once an adult I went through an agnostic period. I only came back to God when after my divorce I knew I could not walk through this world alone. As I began to seek him and pray to him, I felt his presence and have seen the evidence of his presence in my life. This weekend filled me with his spirit and convicted me to share with you the impact he makes daily in my life.

Whether you believe in God or not, as you heal from divorce, I encourage you to seek his presence. Maybe like me, you grew away from him at sometime in your life, and realize now you would like to have him present again, begin to pray and soon you will see the evidence that he has never left you. If you have never had the presence of God in your life, I encourage you to begin on the most incredible journey of your life and seek our lord and savior to guide you and protect you, to comfort and council, to love you far greater than any human is capable. Pray that God will enter your heart then begin to study and learn what he has to offer. Put your faith in God and your life will change. Choosing happiness is made so much easier when God is walking there beside you. Seek the help of spiritual leaders, faithful sisters and brothers in Christ, and study your Bible daily. Take these steps and I know your happiness will be there for the enjoying! Prayers and Love to you all!

She Speaks

What a beautiful morning! I am in Concord, North Carolina to attend the She Speaks Conference (www.shespeaks.com) held by Proverbs 31 Ministries (www.proverbs31.org) This has been a goal of mine ever since I heard about this conference two years ago, and now I am finally here. I will be attending a pre-conference this morning to learn about marketing my blog and book (desperately need this help) and also I will be part of a speaking evaluation group to help build my speaking platform. I feel blessed to be here and to be supported and encouraged by my sweet husband who is my number one supporter! So I am exuding happiness today and going to enjoy each and every moment of this experience. The great thing is though, we can all value and enjoy even the smallest moments in our lives. Attending a conference like this is a dream come true, but my life is a dream come true because I am living and enjoying even the smallest blessings. I encourage you today to think about your smallest blessing and write about what this means to you and why you are blessed in this way. I talk a lot about my garden in my blog because I feel so enriched by each growing and living thing I help come up out of the ground and produce. Yes, maybe a small thing, but important nonetheless. I'm sure you have some of these simple blessings too. I hope you will take time to write them in your journal and reflect on the beauty and joy in your life. Choose happiness!

A few summer thoughts

I have had an incredibly busy summer so far and have let the blogging slide, but glad to be able to post again though still away. One of my sons and his family were out visiting for a week and we had a glorious time! I hope some of you are having a bit of time to catch up with friends and family, maybe do a little visiting or having family in for a few days. We live in such a hurry up world I think we forget to slow down and enjoy the moment. Whatever your circumstances, take the time to do something for yourself in the way of friends and family. Fix a fun summer meal and have a few friends over or maybe all meet for an extended lunch on a warm, sunny day! Take a drive and have a hike with the children. Pack lunches and picnic. No matter how busy you might be, taking time to make summer memories is well worth the time and effort! Spend some time writing in your journal some ideas for finishing out the summer with some fun!

Summer Travel

My Air Force father kept us on the move throughout my childhood, which I believe led to my sense of adventure and love for travel. Each new town brought new friends, new scenery, and new challenges, some good, some not so great, but that life style formed my ability to go with the flow (most of the time) and to easily make friends. I never felt disadvantaged by having to pick up and move. As an adult, however, I found myself in the same small town for 24 years, with one three year detour up the road 30 miles. I enjoyed raising my boys in one place. They are still friends with some of their kindergarten playmates, a luxury I never experienced. I did introduce them to the world though, through books, movies, and some travel, but I'm not sure any of them have the same love for the road that their mom does!

If you are able to travel, even if only short trips in your home state, take your kids on a road trip now and then. Allow them to plan the trip with you and to map out the route. If you enjoy camping, don't be afraid to go it alone with the kids, just pick safe spots where you know you are fairly well protected, such as KOA campgrounds or National Forest campgrounds. Most of these close the gates at 10:00 p.m. and have enough other campers in close proximity to keep you from feeling isolated from help should you need it. Camping not for you? Try an overnight trip to a hotel with a pool. My sons loved to take the two hour trip to Lubbock, TX to stay in an Embassy Suites that had a pool. And if you are unable to travel anywhere at all this summer, then take yourself and the kids to your public library and pick out books on the countries you would like to visit. Be sure and find books with lots of pictures and spend some time sharing with each other adventures you would like to have. Keep your mind and your kids open to the world around you. Helping them to understand that there is a big world out there will keep them open to all the possibilities that lie before them. Children become hopeless when they have no sense of a future and of course adults can feel that same hopelessness too, so I encourage you to travel this summer whether by car or plane or virtual, just get outside your routine world and go for something new. And if you have no kids at home, don't be afraid to travel alone. I learned a lot about myself during the years I made trips alone. I enjoyed the sense of quiet and peace that allowed me to think deeply and make decisions. Take some books, your journal, and a sense of adventure. Life is short. Enjoy and choose to be happy!

Art Projects

Well, I created a masterpiece of art, and ran off and left it at my cousin's house. She is sending back to me, so I will post a picture at a later date. We had a great time with our little pieces of art which I wrote about in my last post, and though hard to imagine how the process would work, when we got right down to painting the work was quick. I hope you have spent some time choosing some kind of art in which you would like to engage. There are so many fun projects to attempt, so many ideas in magazines, on line, in stores, that any one of us should be able to come up with some kind of art project at any given moment and the great thing about doing so is the fun you will encounter. If you have kids out of school for the summer, finding some simple art projects for them to do when you all come home at the end of the day can give everyone a moment to reconnect and relax. Sitting down to do something creative together can bring about conversations that might never occur otherwise as everyone flies about in their own little world. Yes, even teens can be encouraged to join in on an art project. I hope you will give this a try. I'd love to hear from any of you who give this a go. Write and let me know what you created. You just might be the inspiration someone else needs. Choose happiness by taking action!