It's okay!

I want to share with you an experience I had last night. I had Netflixed the movie Wit, an HBO production, starring Emma Thompson. The description said the movie was about an English professor, dealing with health issues, namely that she has ovarian cancer. I cozied up with my glass of wine and started the movie, knowing it might be a tear jerker, but then I never shy away from these. Starting with her diagnosis from a matter-of-fact, but obviously caring doctor, the movie then moves onto the indignities she faces as she is shuffled from one place to the other in the hospital and the disregard for her as an individual. There is a bit of "wit" interlaced throughout, but then about thirty minutes in, she is talking to the camera explaining her feelings (a device used on and off throughout) when she doubles over and throws up into a bedpan due to the effects of the chemo. I unexpectedly burst into tears and could not watch not one more second of the movie. I turned it off.

And this is what I want to share with you about this experience. You see, in 2003 I moved to Ruidoso, NM where I met the four most incredible girl friends I have ever had in my life. We did something together at least once a week and talked on the phone in-between. Not long after I moved to TN in 2006, Kelly was diagnosed with a squamous cell cancer, (you might recognize this as the same cancer Farrah Fawcett had) and the outlook was not good. Living so far away, I did not get to see her much, nor be there to help out, but three weeks before she died, I flew in and saw her for the last time. She was such a great person, beautiful inside and out, loved by so many, and incredibly talented. She was an OB/Gyn nurse practitioner, a person who helped others, and now needed the help of others. She lost her battle in November of 2008.

This movie just hit me square in the face with the reality of what Kelly had faced, the pain she went through, and that none of us could keep the pain from her. I immediately called one of the girls to share what had happened because we are friends, because I know we will talk and laugh and cheer each other up and because I want my girlfriends to always know, that no matter how far away I might be, I love them and miss them and cherish our friendship.

This morning then, thinking about last night, I was reminded of how after my divorce I would watch romantic movies and cry all the way through, but never turned off the pain. I would wish for that sappy, seemingly perfect movie relationship, and feel sorry for myself and when it was over have a really good cry. And you know, I think that's okay. You are going to have moments where you just need that good cry, to mourn the loss of the relationship, and to just feel that release. The most important thing though to remember is this: reach out to those who can help you, to the friends who will cheer you up and cheer you on. And don't call the friend who has to crucify your ex, you don't need to go down that negative highway, you just need someone to listen and then laugh with you and tell you it's okay. That's what Suzanne did for me last night. She told me, it's okay, and sometimes we all just need to hear it.

Take time this week to write about the sorrow when it hits and about the friends or family you can rely on to not join your pity party, but to cheer you out of it! Choosing happiness is easier when you choose happy friends, and especially down the road when you choose a new partner.