When friendship with an ex is too much

I read a posting in a divorce community today from a woman who stated her ex wants to be "best friends," that he wants no other woman in his life but her, however, has no intention of remarriage or even a committed relationship. She says to add to this, she is depressed and doesn't know what to do. As I read that, my heart just ached for her because she is stuck in limbo, a horrific limbo, of still desperately wanting that relationship and unable to move forward on the slim chance he might change his mind. I'm afraid the likelihood of this ending well is slim. If they were both committed to working on the relationship and moving towards the possibility of remarriage I would tell her to go for it if that's what she wants, but under the circumstances, my guess is he just wants to keep her in a holding pattern until he finds someone else and I can only imagine the heartache that will then occur. Even if he truly just wants to remain "best friends" this is not healthy for either person. While being friendly with your ex is great for everyone involved, especially the kids, going further than that is going to hurt someone more than likely.

Creating distance from your ex is necessary to allow yourself the room to move forward. If there are children involved requiring your continued communication, that's fine, but keep your private life private. And don't worry about the kids, according to resources I've read, and based on my own experience, your children will keep your private life just that without any prodding from either one of you. Just let them be at ease without the directive "don't tell your dad" or "don't tell your mom." This puts a lot of pressure on them and begins the secrets and lies that can and will destroy any relationship. Now that said, if you are on any of the social networking sites out there, remember, if you want to keep something private, don't post it!

Take steps to move forward by seeking new friendships, involving yourself in activities you've always wanted to try, joining an organization you might find interesting or taking a class through an extended learning program. Once you start meeting new friends and actively moving away from your ex, this will make moving forward that much easier. It's not easy to put the past behind, but by taking baby steps in that direction, eventually you will be striding forward with purpose!

Spend some time in your journal writing about interests you might like to explore and how you might meet some new people. I know this can be tough if living in a small town, but even tweaking your relationship circle slightly may result in big changes down the road.

Choose Happiness!

Today's Harvest!

I wanted to share with you the harvest from my garden today! I have enjoyed having a garden this year after many years of one not being feasible. This is one of the simple things in life that brings me great happiness.

Steve and I started out the day running the Chick-fil-a 5k! This was my first race in over a year, having injured my neck in June of 08 and being advised by my physical therapist not to run. He started me on posture exercises though, and with continued yoga practice and power walking I have slowly built myself up for the run. It has taken practice and patience to get to this point again, but the best thing is, the posture building exercises, such as planks and wall stances have built my core and given me more strength than I had in the past. I thought I might not ever take up running again, but perseverance has paid off. I now run every other day, then walk thirty minutes and yoga on the days off from running. Choosing happiness is kind of like this when you've been through a traumatic, life changing experience. It will take patience and practice to build yourself back up, but the pay off can be, if you choose, to be happier than you have ever been in the past. You can come back with more strength than you thought possible. I encourage you to find an activity which brings you happiness. Make it a ritual each day to engage in this activity and find your joy! I'm not, nor have I ever been a great runner. I'm slower than the majority of other runners, but I do it because it makes me happy when I finish! And the endorphines sure keep my happiness going all the time! Spend some time in your journal listing as many activities as you can think of you might or do enjoy! Make time this week and go for at least one of them. Choose happiness!

A little activity is good for the brain!

Imagine my happiness when I ran across this little factoid, “a daily tipple and gardening boost longevity.” Being I enjoy my glass of wine and putter around in my garden most every day, not necessarily at the same time though, I figure I’m putting up a defense against dementia and increasing my lifespan exponentially. What a great bit of research. And this did have me thinking about choosing happiness and the importance of finding activities that you enjoy and at the same time are healthy. I couldn’t wait for spring this year, to plant my first garden in five years. After having spent three years on a mountain that could not sustain much other than pine trees and a Rosemary bush, and then spent two summers traveling extensively, when I realized I could finally support a garden again I dug out my gloves and headed to the garden store. It has been a great source of fun for me this summer, even though I have had to share with too many squirrels, but I have herbs galore and nine different varieties of tomatoes, zucchini and eggplant, jalapenos and chili plants too. When I go to the garden and pull weeds or pick my harvest, I find such peace in my head and in my soul. There is something so gratifying about seeing your hard work bear fruit and likewise, when you choose to work at being happy, and the results of your hard work start showing up in your day to day life, there will be great satisfaction. I encourage you this week to think about healthy activities you might enjoy. Choose something that will get you up and moving, out of the house, taking advantage of the longer hours of sunshine available in the summer. Even sitting outside in the shade of a tree reading or thinking is good for the soul. Take some time this week and write in your journal a list of activities you might like to try. Find a friend or go it alone, but choose to be active and keep that brain working and that body moving! Choose to actively be happy! (the above mentioned article can be found at: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Health/Daily_tipple_gardening_boost_longevity/articleshow/3823902.cms)