Tuesday, May 31, 2011

New Blog and website

June 1, 2011 is the launch date for my new website, www.janeannthompson.com. Please join me there for my blog on health and happiness or to order my book, Choosing Happiness After Divorce. Sorry it has taken so long to get the new site running, but life interrupted. See you soon!

5 comments:

katherine said...

PART A:

Hi, I stumbled across your website after doing what I've been doing for many, many long nights...searching for an answer, a key, a new beginning, a new set of tools to help me figure out life...call it whatever you want but the truth is I am hopelessly lost in misery and what feels like pain and eternal suffering. It's been almost 5 years since my marriage ended. I guess I instigated it but the prolific grief of seeing my dreams shattered has almost Been too much to bear.

You see I somehow, as a child, survived a very traumatic childhood, my mother walking on our life (taking us with her for safety), a new stepfather, a blended family, and a mother who after meeting her Mr Wonderful largely neglected me - I was a pest it felt like. So, growing up, getting married, living in a stable, secure home with a man who loved and cared for me was my ideal world picture. I never had a sense of belonging, love or felt that I was worthy. When I lost that 5 years ago all the wheels fell off.

I have a wonderful 10 year old son. He's with me all the time - Dad fired the final torpedo and rejected him in favour of his new family 6 months ago. For 4.5 years my son tried to fit in over there but it wasn't enough - why? Because he didn't hate me, he loves me and woudn't sell out to Dad. Yes, he's now punished in the cruelest of ways.

katherine said...

PART B:

So here I am utterly lost as I said. For 2 years I've been in therapy. It's got me through a rough legal battle but now what? I still feel miserable. Nothing seems to make me happy (except my son) and I feel like all my hopes and dreams have died again - just as they did as a child. My divorce has re-triggered the childhood PTSD. I'm working through those awful memories. I really want them to go away for good.

I'm 42, renting a house, hoping to buy but a mortgage will be huge - but I need to do this I am told. I think I do but I am so scared, so terrified of doing all this on my own. I'd always thought my knight in shining armor would see to all this and take away most of my worries. He never came, the abusive, heavy drinking bully came in instead.

My grief is feeling I will never be loved. The only thing I ever really wanted eludes me. I'm so lonely it hurts and yet I push everyone away as I'm so fed up with and embarrassed by my life and how it's turned out. I was supposed to be happy, in love, have a great family and home. I thought I deserved it and would have it after my painful childhood. But no.

So now what? My therapist never talks of the future or what might happen. It's as if he thinks I'm hopeless and unlovable as well. He focuses on the childhood trauma - trying to desensitize me to it so its not so painful to recall. My sons age has triggered a lot of my memories and I feel guilty and sad he is reliving a similar awful childhood. Yet I know I'm a good Mum. I'm university educated, intelligent, articulate. But I'm 25 kg overweight and struggle to make ends meet.

What is my happiness after divorce I wonder? I don't have any idea. I must know I'm tired for feeling so sad. I want to be loved yet my therapist also tells me kids don't like or cope very well with their mothers repartnering. I stay home, go to work each day, hang out with my son and take Jim to sport and to see a coup,e of his friends. Sometimes we go to see a movie, or ice skating , shopping or to the beach, but it's always a empty and disappointing for me. There is no one else to share it with.

I feel hopeless. I'll keep going but I feel dead inside except for pain of remembering my dreams didn't come true. I'm overweight, tired, always rushed off my feet and I cry a lot. Will it ever end? Or will my son just grow up? Will I ever meet anyone who loves me - the overweight but pretty lady who doesn't smile as much or puts on a mask to hide behind.

How do I change all this. Where do I start? It seems so hard, too late and that I am defective. Northing ever rally works out. My head is always just above water and something keeps trying really hard to pull me down. Sometimes I am drowning, some days I'm treading water. Never floating peacefully.

What's the key? How did you find it? What did you do? Am I unlovable? Can someone ever love me? Where do I find them? I am overweight? My son is 10. For 7 years I've been miserable. I did the right thing ending my marriage. I've sacrificed my life for my son and will continue to be a good mum.

But where and what is my happiness? Do I even get a turn at it?

I hope you believe in random acts of kindness. I do. You survived and prospered. Yet I'm floundering. I'm doing something wrong. I'm tied of this mostly dead feeling and sadness. Who am I other than a woman lost with broken dreams at my feet?

I live in Australia - the lucky country. Only I don't feel so lucky. I feel bloody well duped. I'm searching for how to be happy but I never find the answer or how to fix it.

What else can I do? I want to choose happiness.

Choosing Happiness said...

Hi Katherine,

I would love to respond to you. Please email me at my new website: jane@janeannthompson.com I have some suggestions that might be of help, but I would prefer to email you a personal message. There is hope! And I have lots of ideas for you! j

cordell said...

It's such an interesting post. I really like it. You shared a really good information I appreciate it. Thank you and keep sharing.

Cordell & Cordell

edivorcepapers said...

This is exactly true. You should forget everything and let the thing go as life does not stop for anybody so you should go forward with happy face.
Post Divorce