Monday, September 10, 2012
In modern times, we use the word martyr to indicate someone who considers themselves a victim. Taking on victim status can be pretty easy after divorce, however, being a victim is not going to serve one well for very long. Being a victim essentially locks you in a tower of your own making, one friends will quickly desert and grow tired of, one that will keep you from moving forward in your life, and is certainly not going to include happiness.
If you are feeling like a victim for any reason, it's time to stop the pity party and start counting all for which you can be grateful. It is natural to go through a feeling sorry for yourself stage after divorce, but staying there is not going to benefit you are your children. Move on. Decide to make a new life for yourself and make it great. You only live once, so what's your life going to be? Martyr or Life Maker?
Tips for leaving the pity party: Spend time every day writing down a few things for which you are grateful. Inspire yourself by reading about someone who has faced incredible adversity. I just read the book, Breaking Night: A Memoir of Forgiveness, Survival and My Journey from Homeless to Harvard, by Liz Murray and believe me, when you read this young woman's story, I think you will see how great your life really is and can be!
Peace and joy!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Approximately 60 percent of U.S. children living in mother-only families are impoverished, compared with only 11 percent in two-parent family homes, according to research at the university of Ohio. I watched my sister deal with this very problem as she raised her kids, put herself through college, and then struggled on a beginning teacher salary. However, poverty due to income, while it can make day to day existence difficult, poverty of joy and intellect can destroy lives. Poverty does not just apply to income. When any of us, children and adults alike, are deprived of love and kindness, as well as intellectual stimulation, our lives become narrow and dark. Divorce can make the walls seem like they are closing around us, but refusing to narrow our world and staying in the light, can make the difference. And this doesn't just apply to divorce. Anyone is in danger of poverty of spirit by closing themselves off from others or from learning. If you are a single parent, bitterness and anger will definitely narrow your world, but most in danger is the world of your children. Allow them to freely love their other parent and his/her family. Love goes a long way in keeping the spirit nourished and joyful. As for the intellect? Avoid allowing the television, computer, and video games to raise your kids. Get out of the house. Take advantage of free activities available in the community. Read together. Hike. Do chores together. Travel if possible and expose yourself and the children to new ideas. And let others assist in positive ways, including even a stepmom or stepfather. And if new siblings or step-siblings come on the scene, be sure to include them when possible. Poverty of money makes life difficult for the moment, but poverty of the mind and spirit makes all of life a struggle.
Peace and Joy!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Need help transforming?
Monday, July 23, 2012
Peace and Joy!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Unfortunately, I have seen far too often, parents set out for revenge through their children, turning them against the other parent, the grandparents and other extended family. This is abusive and will affect their ability to trust and bond with a spouse in their future. If you make their relationship decisions for them now by turning them against people who love them and they in-turn loved, they will not make the best decisions for themselves when the time comes.
Share your children generously. Their world will be far better and more populated with love when they see that the two of you are willing to allow them to love you both. Children are not your pawns, but developing humans who need more than anything love.
Peace and joy to you,
P.S. If your spouse is seriously turning the children against you, read Divorce Poison, by Dr. Richard Warshak and get help before it is too late.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
A lot has happened over the last year. My new website is off the ground and running, but because it is primarily about health, I feel like I left my Choosing Happiness friends out in the cold. I am returning to this blog and will be posting every Monday. I am adding posts about remarriage after divorce as well so look for this addition. I look forward, as always, to your comments and hope you will join me here each Monday for a Choosing Happiness message. Find me also at www.janeannthompson.com, which will be coming soon with a totally new layout and indexed recipes. Have a great weekend and I'll see you Monday!