Avoid Martyrdom!

I just returned from a trip in which I visited the town of Annonay, France. There is not much of significance in this town anymore, but I took the walking tour, following the map provided by the tourism office. I came upon the Tour des Martyrs, seen in this picture, and have tried to find out the history on the tower, to no avail. I am curious as to who the martyrs were and if they were imprisoned in the tower, or took refuge here.

In modern times, we use the word martyr to indicate someone who considers themselves a victim. Taking on victim status can be pretty easy after divorce, however, being a victim is not going to serve one well for very long. Being a victim essentially locks you in a tower of your own making, one friends will quickly desert and grow tired of, one that will keep you from moving forward in your life, and is certainly not going to include happiness.

If you are feeling like a victim for any reason, it's time to stop the pity party and start counting all for which you can be grateful. It is natural to go through a feeling sorry for yourself stage after divorce, but staying there is not going to benefit you are your children. Move on. Decide to make a new life for yourself and make it great. You only live once, so what's your life going to be? Martyr or Life Maker?

Tips for leaving the pity party: Spend time every day writing down a few things for which you are grateful. Inspire yourself by reading about someone who has faced incredible adversity. I just read the book, Breaking Night: A Memoir of Forgiveness, Survival and My Journey from Homeless to Harvard, by Liz Murray and believe me, when you read this young woman's story, I think you will see how great your life really is and can be!

Peace and joy!

Poor me!

"Ah, poor pitiful me. My story is so sad, my life is so hard, I am the only one who knows this pain, this despair, or these difficulties. Poor, poor, me."

Could this be you? We have all had moments of self-pity and divorce can certainly make us feel this way, but if a case of feeling sorry for yourself goes on and on and on, you are doing yourself no favors, and will find happiness pretty difficult to come by. When you feel sorry for yourself you cannot see that you are not alone, that others have been where you are and have survived and thrived, because all you can see is how bad you think your life is and the belief entrenches in your head that it can never be better. In other words, if you think your life is terrible, it is terrible and it will be terrible. Feeling sorry for yourself will never allow you to heal or move forward with your life. It will keep you stuck in a sucking quagmire of pity. And you know, it's kind of a selfish mode of being because you want others to feel sorry for you too! None of us know the problems and difficulties others are dealing with and though their difficulties may not be the same as yours, they can be just as burdensome and painful as yours; they just aren't pleading for the sympathy of others. It becomes very difficult to be around someone who can't move on because they suck the life right out of you. And the worst, is when they ask you for solutions and then tell you why the solution won't work for them. That is the ultimate pitiful person. Don't let this be you. Each day take time to look around you and see the difficulties others face. You have your health? Then think about someone who lives in dire pain each day. You have a roof over your head? Then think about someone who lives on the streets. You have food everyday? Think about someone who is starving. Look and listen to those in your circle of friends and consider that what might seem great on the outside, could be hiding some very difficult problems. Listening can be the key here. When you become full of self pity, you often are not listening to others on any level because everything in your mind is about you and your problems. Philippians 2:3 states: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than yourself." When you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you can put empty conceit behind you, (it is conceit to think you are the only one with problems) you can feel empathy for others, and you can begin to feel a burden lift from your shoulders. Write in your journal all you have to be grateful for and how you might begin to stop feeling sorry for yourself. If this has been you for some time, it will take some time to pull yourself out of that pity, and begin to celebrate all the good that life really has to offer you. You may also find yourself enjoying the company of others again, because maybe they aren't ducking for cover when they see you coming! Choosing happiness has to include ending the pity party!