Poverty is not just about money

Approximately 60 percent of U.S. children living in mother-only families are impoverished, compared with only 11 percent in two-parent family homes, according to research at the university of Ohio. I watched my sister deal with this very problem as she raised her kids, put herself through college, and then struggled on a beginning teacher salary. However, poverty due to income, while it can make day to day existence difficult, poverty of joy and intellect can destroy lives. Poverty does not just apply to income. When any of us, children and adults alike, are deprived of love and kindness, as well as intellectual stimulation, our lives become narrow and dark. Divorce can make the walls seem like they are closing around us, but refusing to narrow our world and staying in the light, can make the difference. And this doesn't just apply to divorce. Anyone is in danger of poverty of spirit by closing themselves off from others or from learning. If you are a single parent, bitterness and anger will definitely narrow your world, but most in danger is the world of your children. Allow them to freely love their other parent and his/her family. Love goes a long way in keeping the spirit nourished and joyful. As for the intellect? Avoid allowing the television, computer, and video games to raise your kids. Get out of the house. Take advantage of free activities available in the community. Read together. Hike. Do chores together. Travel if possible and expose yourself and the children to new ideas. And let others assist in positive ways, including even a stepmom or stepfather. And if new siblings or step-siblings come on the scene, be sure to include them when possible. Poverty of money makes life difficult for the moment, but poverty of the mind and spirit makes all of life a struggle.

Peace and Joy!

Ruin is the road to Transformation

The ruins of a marriage do not have to mean life is over. Out of the ashes can rise a phoenix, ready and willing to transform into new life. This is the opportunity to set a new course for yourself, to discover what you enjoy, taking advantage of the time now afforded you to do just what you like. Divorce feels like the end of the world and sadly is for many people. Don't let that happen to you. Take time for you and transform your life into the best life possible. Ruin really is the road to transformation!

Need help transforming?

 Choosing Happiness After Divorce

Be Present

In becoming connected through Facebook, Twitter, email, and all the other means of "connecting" these days, we are disconnecting from the people who are right in our presence. Parents walking with their children are on the phone chatting, instead of engaging their child(ren) in conversation. Couples sit at dinner tables and spend the entire evening on line instead of with each other. Adult children spend their time on devices instead of visiting with parents when together. All this "connecting" is affecting the relationships that matter most. Put the devices away and talk to each other. Look people in the eye and engage. Yes, it is great to connect with people out in the world, but they are not the ones who bring us a hug, who actually laugh out loud with us for real, or give us a kiss. XOXO LOL are just letters. The real thing is a better bet!

Peace and Joy!

Pawns in a Divorce Game

Let's have a chat over tea, shall we? I talk about the kids a lot when it comes to divorce, as they are so often nothing but pawns in their parents divorce and this constitutes a form of emotional abuse. When children are fought over it is not in their best interest. No one really wins, no matter the outcome. Children need both parents in their lives. They need to enjoy the benefits of the different relationship they have with each, and both parents need a break from the kids from time to time, so coming up with a plan that works is essential. Allowing lawyers to get involved in this process is going to make it expensive and ultimately ugly. If the two of you have difficulty talking to each other in person, send emails with no accusations, no demands, just thoughtful comments. If this is impossible, try a mediator who can be the go between and make recommendations. In the end, the children should have generous amounts of time with both parents and holidays should be generously divided as well so that the children learn the traditions of each family and have time to see relatives on both sides of the family.

Unfortunately, I have seen far too often, parents set out for revenge through their children, turning them against the other parent, the grandparents and other extended family. This is abusive and will affect their ability to trust and bond with a spouse in their future. If you make their relationship decisions for them now by turning them against people who love them and they in-turn loved, they will not make the best decisions for themselves when the time comes.

Share your children generously. Their world will be far better and more populated with love when they see that the two of you are willing to allow them to love you both. Children are not your pawns, but developing humans who need more than anything love.

Peace and joy to you,
Jane

P.S. If your spouse is seriously turning the children against you, read Divorce Poison, by Dr. Richard Warshak and get help before it is too late.

Gearing up

A lot has happened over the last year. My new website is off the ground and running, but because it is primarily about health, I feel like I left my Choosing Happiness friends out in the cold. I am returning to this blog and will be posting every Monday. I am adding posts about remarriage after divorce as well so look for this addition. I look forward, as always, to your comments and hope you will join me here each Monday for a Choosing Happiness message. Find me also at www.janeannthompson.com, which will be coming soon with a totally new layout and indexed recipes. Have a great weekend and I'll see you Monday!

New Blog and website

June 1, 2011 is the launch date for my new website, www.janeannthompson.com. Please join me there for my blog on health and happiness or to order my book, Choosing Happiness After Divorce. Sorry it has taken so long to get the new site running, but life interrupted. See you soon!

Great News!

Hello readers! Sorry for the dropping out of sight. We had some changes in circumstances around here that has caused some tough times, but forgiveness goes a long way in healing the upset and that is the road I am on! But now for the great news! I have a new website coming that will include my blog! As soon as I am set up I will get the word out and tell you where to find me! Look for the ability to have my blog delivered straight to your email and lots of features to make the sight fun and exciting! I am learning about Twitter and will be joining to send you messages each day! "What's making me happy today" will be the theme with something different each day to think about! Hope you are all enjoying the holiday spirit and celebrating with friends and family your blessings each day! prayers and love to all!

Choosing Happiness in God's Love

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

I  Thessalonians 5: 16-18 

My brain is overflowing with information from the She Speaks Conference of Proverbs 31 Ministries, but more importantly, my heart is bursting with the impact of this amazing experience. Surrounded by women in every season of life, hearing incredible speakers, attending seminars with a wealth of wisdom, I  am happy and blessed to have been a part of this event! I participated in a speakers evaluation group and connected with a group of women who will long remain in my memory and heart. (We managed to get a picture of almost all of us just before departing.) There were 608 women in attendance at the conference. The air was filled with the electricity of all the vibrant personalities, the laughter, the tears, the chatter; sometimes I would just stop and listen to the buzz of it all! All the speakers had messages that hit home with me and I know with the others in the room. Lysa Terkurst, Angela Thomas, Karen Ehman, and Beth Moore who made a special video appearance, sharing with us insights on drawing closer to God through letting him speak through our messages.

God has not always been a presence in my life. He had a questionable presence during my formative years and once an adult I went through an agnostic period. I only came back to God when after my divorce I knew I could not walk through this world alone. As I began to seek him and pray to him, I felt his presence and have seen the evidence of his presence in my life. This weekend filled me with his spirit and convicted me to share with you the impact he makes daily in my life.

Whether you believe in God or not, as you heal from divorce, I encourage you to seek his presence. Maybe like me, you grew away from him at sometime in your life, and realize now you would like to have him present again, begin to pray and soon you will see the evidence that he has never left you. If you have never had the presence of God in your life, I encourage you to begin on the most incredible journey of your life and seek our lord and savior to guide you and protect you, to comfort and council, to love you far greater than any human is capable. Pray that God will enter your heart then begin to study and learn what he has to offer. Put your faith in God and your life will change. Choosing happiness is made so much easier when God is walking there beside you. Seek the help of spiritual leaders, faithful sisters and brothers in Christ, and study your Bible daily. Take these steps and I know your happiness will be there for the enjoying! Prayers and Love to you all!

She Speaks

What a beautiful morning! I am in Concord, North Carolina to attend the She Speaks Conference (www.shespeaks.com) held by Proverbs 31 Ministries (www.proverbs31.org) This has been a goal of mine ever since I heard about this conference two years ago, and now I am finally here. I will be attending a pre-conference this morning to learn about marketing my blog and book (desperately need this help) and also I will be part of a speaking evaluation group to help build my speaking platform. I feel blessed to be here and to be supported and encouraged by my sweet husband who is my number one supporter! So I am exuding happiness today and going to enjoy each and every moment of this experience. The great thing is though, we can all value and enjoy even the smallest moments in our lives. Attending a conference like this is a dream come true, but my life is a dream come true because I am living and enjoying even the smallest blessings. I encourage you today to think about your smallest blessing and write about what this means to you and why you are blessed in this way. I talk a lot about my garden in my blog because I feel so enriched by each growing and living thing I help come up out of the ground and produce. Yes, maybe a small thing, but important nonetheless. I'm sure you have some of these simple blessings too. I hope you will take time to write them in your journal and reflect on the beauty and joy in your life. Choose happiness!

A few summer thoughts

I have had an incredibly busy summer so far and have let the blogging slide, but glad to be able to post again though still away. One of my sons and his family were out visiting for a week and we had a glorious time! I hope some of you are having a bit of time to catch up with friends and family, maybe do a little visiting or having family in for a few days. We live in such a hurry up world I think we forget to slow down and enjoy the moment. Whatever your circumstances, take the time to do something for yourself in the way of friends and family. Fix a fun summer meal and have a few friends over or maybe all meet for an extended lunch on a warm, sunny day! Take a drive and have a hike with the children. Pack lunches and picnic. No matter how busy you might be, taking time to make summer memories is well worth the time and effort! Spend some time writing in your journal some ideas for finishing out the summer with some fun!